I feel the need to apologize. I am really really low tonight. If anyone usually reads my blogs I have to say I dont think the ones tonight will be good. I really really have to get some feelings out or I know I wont be able to sleep. I dont even expect these to be read, but I have to write them anyway.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my family and friends. I asked myself what would I do if a friend of mine had had to move far from everyone and everything they knew, deal with possible divorce and living in a hotel for months with small children, surgery, total loss of all income, moving again, family abandonment, difficulty feeding her children for financial reasons, then having to take a job in a different state from her children and new home in order to try to keep a roof over her kids heads and food in their bellies. What would I do if my friend had this happen. I would call, do what I could to help. Even if all that was, was to listen and check on them every day or every few days.

That doesnt seem to be too much to ask. I have decided that I am worth that. I am tired of people just assuming I will take care of whatever happens to me and only come to me for help, but never offer a hand to me. The last 3 months have been horrendous for me but only slightly worse than the last year and a half. I deserve to have someone care. If people dont care and dont have enough caring to even check on me then I dont need to worry, stress, help, support them either.

I have never ever done this but I am seriously done with people who cant be bothered to act like friends back to me. Even if they are family. I have never been too busy to check on people I care about. If they are too busy to care about me then I deserve better. I would always always take them back if they apologized but I wont hold my breath waiting for one. I doubt any are coming.

Sigh, nice where my head is huh.