I decided to cross-post this from my other blog:
A lot of times, at least for myself, when I'm going through problems it seems as if I'll never understand why certain things happen the way they do until months later all of the sudden things seem to fall into place and everything magically makes sense.
When my sister was having problems deciding on which college to attend, I sent her one of those motivational magnets they sell at the bookstore. I've always been a sucker for those corny inspirational sayings and this quote in particular seemed to really apply to her situation.
"I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far into the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
-Rainer Maria Rilke
Back in February, in several aspects, she had no idea where or if she going to college at all. As the selectivity for acceptance into nursing school has increased greatly in recent years, some schools had over 400 applicants competing for only 30 spots and it seemed that a state school would be her only option. In the end though, to our elation, a private institution accepted her off of their wait-list and she cannot wait to begin her freshman year there. I am also very excited for her to embark on her journey into the university years. Only halfway through college myself, I feel I have changed more in the past two years than I had during the rest of my life.
The point is, the situation seemed almost hopeless at one point and for a while there was no definite solution in sight. But, sometimes all you can do is wait, prepare, and hope for the best. Have faith in life, and have faith that everything will eventually work out well.
Earlier today, I decided that I would finally give in and splurge for a digital camera to take with me to Morocco. I am actually, finally, getting excited about going on this trip. If you had talked to me about a month ago, or even read some of my past entries, you'd know that I was very anxious and unsure about going away, to the point where if I could have, I would have got my money refunded and stayed on campus.
And for the wrong reasons. I hate to admit it, but boys usually do get the best of me, despite my efforts put towards preventing it. If I had even started one of the cliche "summer flings," I would have gotten attached, probably would have wound up dating the person and withdrawn from the Moroccan trip so I could stay here, all the while knowing I was making the biggest mistake of my life.
But right now, I have no attachments. There is a month left until I leave, which is not enough time for it to be worth starting and keeping a relationship while overseas. For people who have been dating for months, I can see it completely understandable to keep something going while away, but for me I don't think I would have been able to have gone away at all, even after only a couple months of dating. I know the first person I start a serious relationship with is going to sweep me off my feet and I am going to fall fast, and probably give up a lot of stuff that was important to me when I was single.
I was a mess at the start of the summer, and finally, I realized, as it worked out for my sister, life has worked out for me. I guess, in the words of the ever-so-corny magnet, I have "lived my way into the answer."
And who knows, maybe when I get back next semester, something or someone will work out.
Wouldn't that be funny.