its wierd how i am bipolar, one minute i want a friend next minute i want to be left alone. one minute i want a mate next minute i dont want sex from noone, music videos make me happy so let me just watch tv and go back to sleep since i have no friends i guess i do make life harder then it really is, i regret not saying hi t the boy on the train or the light skinned boy in te club i regret going to the club in the first place and meeting david and vincent, i wish i could coook and throw parties and just shop and save and just enjoy life cause my faher is a king he will always provide for me but why am i so lonely

i know things will et better but when , why cant someone just love me for me, if i do give up how can i waste time should i color, get a hobbie like what, should i watch the news and stuff like what can i do now since im still sheltered and have no life. i wish god can send a splitting image of him down here and make me a best friend who will love me and appreciate me take me out to movies and eat and drink go bowling and shopping and to the club the mall, bike riding jogging cook for me and just make me feel special, i kind f want a job now im board and getting depressed again like noone likes me and im a nice person i just dont understand why im always alone

maybe if i change ill be ok but i changed so many times and people still have a problem with me. i just need to focus on my goals in life and make better decisions, leave everyone in my past in the past and just focus on the future, god why do i feel like this why am i never fully happy i have all the material stuff i have confidence why do i still feel empty inside?