Another crappy day…..
I did a good job yesterday – I straightened my hair, had a manicure. It keeped me occupied for 1,5 hour. Felt good. Finally I started to look as I should be. I put on make-up. And then – surprise – I’ve noticed that I look like hell – my eyes are so…they’re just not alive, so tired, and there’s this puffness and dark circules. I wanted to cry like every 20 min…then a deep breath and I kept moving. So finally after I finished work I kicked myself out to have coffee and read a book. 20 pages and 1 latte. Then I couldn’t concentrate and went back home. I felt sick in my stomach and it got worse later in the evening. And my temperature got high again. Whatever. But right before I went to sleep I felt so good – like strong and sure that things will work out. I couldn’t believe that! The first time in these two weeks I felt asleep kind of happy.
Ha-ha! I woke up as usual…where’s my strength? Where’s solution to my problems? I feel like an idiot, like somebody tricked me because everything is the same. The ONLY difference is that today is freaking awful weather.
Anyways…I had one useful thought yesterday. At least I can do smth with my private life. I need to wait. I will wait till Sunday. If he will not contact me by that time I’ll use the last chance to save these relations. I need to step up. I need to do smth. This situation kills me – I’m checking my e-mail every 5 min. That’s sick. I can’t stand it anymore. I AM SORRY for what I’ve done…I didn’t want this to happen. I AM SO SORRY. Oh, God, have a mercy! I’ll send him a letter on Sunday if I don’t hear from him. And there’s only 2 ways out of this – we can overcome it, or if he let me go than that wasn’t HE. I need to wait. The only problem is that I can’t……..