I can feel it moving back in. The Depression. Feeling like everything is bad. Like I can't do anything or change anything. Work isn't happening. The job I took making commission isn't making me any money because no one is buying anything in todays market. I know that's not my fault, but somehow it feels like it is. My bills aren't getting paid and my checking account is almost empty. No money at all coming in. I've put off going for government assistance because I hate asking anyone for anything but it looks like I'll be going tomorrow. That's another thing that has me down. On one side, I have to try to get help and on the other side why did I wait so long.

I'm starting to feel a little like I began to feel before. Like the only reason I'm still here is for my kids. And I don't like feeling like that because the last time I felt that way, eventually that wasn't even enough and I took a bunch of pills. I'm not planning on that. I won't do that again. But it just feels like the air around me is a vice and I'm being squeezed from all angles. I looked up support groups in my area and found one near me. There is a meeting on Wednesday that you have to register for. I've never been to one before so I don't know if the registration is normal or not but I'm going to call tomorrow for that as well. Maybe it'll help. I don't know. Sometimes it helps to post on here. Just getting it out sometimes makes it better, but I don't know if I can talk face to face about my problems. I've always held things really close to me. I guess we'll see Wednesday.