Woke up to a great start, and I even slept in a little (until about 7:15 a.m.).

We had a confrontation yesterday. She walked in from work to find me and my little brother playing a game of Uno to pass the time. We were having *a lot* of fun before she came in and I literally felt him go into cautious mode. Before even greeting us she said she wanted to television, which we were watching. We let it roll off our backs and continued to have fun.

At some point my little brother asks why our father came by so late last night. She claimed they  'talked'. But we're not idiots. He stayed the night and snuck out early the next morning.  Despite now being officially divorced (due to adultery on his behalf) they've begun sleeping together. He's been over regularly for nearly a month now. She automatically blames me for 'gossiping' and tells my little brother not to listen to me because I don't know *shit*. Normally, I'd get angry and simply go upstairs. Last night I stood my ground and told her, "I'd really like for you to stop trying to tear me down just to make yourself feel better." Her reply, "You need some meds, bitch." I didn't cry, I didn't get angry. I just collected the game and calmly went upstairs. Didn't even bother to correct her that my little brother, who isn't so little, knows everything, and its not due to me gossiping. Not even a month before all of this, she and my little sister sat my little brother down and tried to *turn* him against our father. They asked if he 'hated' him, would he leave 'them' and go live with 'him'. Very childish and manipulative tactics. Suffice to say, he's a little confused now as the man they've tried to make him loathe, is now coming over late at night and magically reappearing the next morning.

Now, I said all that to simply get to this. I didn't bother me. The name-calling, the put-downs … they seemed to coast right over my head. Not ten minutes after I excused myself and went upstairs, my little brother followed suit. I think she's slowly burning bridges. He watches her pound away at me, lie about our father coming over, and many other things .. and he's able to judge for himself.  I'm not the emotional monster here, and its a wonderful thing to finally embrace.  I'm not the insecure and unstable woman who has gone back to screwing a man who has said plain and clear that he's in love with another woman.  I'm not the woman who thinks she's beyond perfection and does no wrong.

No. I'm the woman who at the beginning of this messy divorce stood by her side.  I'm the woman who attempted to console her when she bawled in her room, everyday for months on end, and told her things will get better. That she'll find happiness after all this. I'm the woman who takes her little brother out to bowl, to eat, or catch a movie when things got so bad his mother couldn't even function.  I'm the woman who years ago tried to kill herself, only to hear the person who drove her to that state tell the paramedics, "She's just trying to be on my level, and she ain't." I'm the woman who years later, despite that, left work and rushed over the very moment that same person threatened to kill herself.

I can find hundreds of instances throughout my life that warrant my ill feelings towards her. Today, though, I'm merely going to smile when she stomps downstairs, jerks her coat out of the closet, and slams the front door in her wake. Not even bothering to say goodbye.

I'm also going to call the pharmacy and get her prescriptions refilled, heh.

 

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