I'm not supposed to be doing this,
But I can't help it.

So many people see me,
But none of them really understand me.
I wish I could tell you how I feel.
That it's not me.
I would go to the end of the world and back,
To only be with you.
But sometimes there is conflict.
I love my family.
I love my parents.
I love my sister.
I love my dog.
I love my friends.
I love you.

I wish they could all get along,
But fate doesn't allow it.
Why not?
I don't know.
If I could control it,
I would show them all.
Even you.

The pain hurts me so much,
I want to say I don't feel a thing,
But that's only the cover up.
People think I'm strong,
They think I can deal with a lot of things.
The thing is,
I can't

I don't like crying everytime I hear someone say "I love you",
Or shaking everytime I think of you,
And how much I hurt you.
I didn't want us to end up like this.
I didn't want to feel the pain of being alone.
Being alone and knowing that you hate me.
I can't stand not letting you think that I hate you.
The reasons I act the way I did that night.
I acted purely out of fear.
I didn't want to fail for my friends and family.
I didn't want to fail at hurting you again.

I couldn't lose them.
I couldn't lose you.
I was confused and frustrated.
When you blocked me,
I had to push through you.
That killed me.
I didn't want to leave you.
I didn't want you to leave me.

But what can I do now?

Just like always….


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