hi, i just wanted you to know what job i have, im a nurse….a mental health nurse. yes, ironic i know as i have many problems i know. i had mental health problems as a child, i had a psychotic father and had stress induced hallucinations as a child. i first tried to kill myself at the age of 13, i carried on trying to kill myself and self harmed untill a few[quite] a few years ago. i had terrible post natal depression twice and had clinical depression for almost 20 years….i struggle with being alive a lot. there is something inside of me that pushes me forward. i have worked for s a n e , headway, i worked in a mental health hospital[wher i loved the patients and didnt like the staff] [ mad people, them and us attitude] i toook over the running of a healthy living group for m i n d [the best job ive ever had] for people with severe and enduring mental health problems, and then i moved to bournemouth and got a job doing the assesments and reviews for people with varying degrees of mental health problems who live in 3 houses in the area. now i have started a new job in a hospital again[mental health]…ive done a bit of work already here but not as much as i will be doing. im on a course this week in physicall intervention, restraints ect. i am shattered….8 hours a day for a week. restraining 15 stone pluss instructors. most on this course have had no mental health problems, although dorset nhs trust activley employ people who have [are] suffered mental health problems. we had a service user today giving a talk and she asked if anyone had had problems, i was the only person to put my hand up. then 4 women started acting strange towards me….its ok, ive had it happen before, its the [them and us ] attitude. i have to pass this course to be able to work on the wards that i want to,[chronic wards] and forensic and mother and baby……i keep getting my left and right mixed up, [im ambidextrus] but ive just practiced on a friend and managed to get him down every time. i dont really like working in a hospital setting as i prefer to be in tnhe community but its a stepping stone. ive had the best time working with the most severely ill mental health patients, im never scared and always without fail get on well[very well] with those severly affected. i know some of you may be affected in the wrong way cause of my job and im sorry but i have terrible problems like the rest of you, some one here used to be so kind to me but as soon as they found out what i did they stopped speaking to me. i had a breakdown at 25,,,,,ive been through violence, abuse and the worst possible things, i have the upmost empathy for people suffering, [im still very much suffering] thats why i do the job that i do.  noone should judge anyone….some of the staff i work with have abso no idea, they are straight out of uni or college and think they know it all, they dont…im trying to make a difference….i struggle every day with the persona that i put on…but im bloody good at what i do! i know what its like in that pit of darkness….ive been ther enough………dont judge me…knowone has that right….im here thanks for the grace of godx