i hurt people. I do it everyday and will continue to do so. Just by breathing. People tell me I’m so strong and that I’m better than what I’m going through. Of that was the case why do I feel like I can never get up. That I will never get up. I hear voices, scisophranic, is the word. Even though I missed spelled it. And I know this forum isn`t for people like me,  but they aren’t dangerous to me or others so I just said screw it.

They help me. They tell me who to trust and when they tell me not to love someone because they’ll make me happy I don’t listen and I do. It’s worked so far. Do I plan on getting on medication? No. I don’t know. Is it wrong if I don’t want to?

I hate myself. I hurt a friend very dear to me. Told him I couldnt be his friend and he suffers from depression and anxiety,  but here I am adding to it. He has helped me through so much and all I can do is push him away. I need him. He’s so important and I…  I’m crying over him…  God. I can’t. I can’t because if he gets too close he”ll find he doesn’t like the monster under the mask. The demons that feed with me. My demons are my only friends now and maybe that’s what I need. But my demons are in n my head, so when I need a hug they get mad at me for crying about being lonely. Only one of them is on my side and there is like 5 of them… I don’t know anymore.