So I take a sleeping pill tonight and conk out early, about 9:30 p.m. I'm happily sleeping when Aaron abruptly awakens me with "GET UP! The dog's puking on the bed!" . Yaaaaay ~ what fun. So we clean it off then go to get the next blanket, but this time she pukes on the sheets. So we strip those off, and as we're doing that she throws up on my husband's body pillow. Poor puppy. She never gets stomach aches like that. The poor dog has been vomiting since 11:30 and just recently stopped, but now that I've had 2 hours of sleep and having to wake up fullyfrom itI am now AWAKE. I was going to sleep on the screened porch with the puppy but Aaronhad a fit and said"no way, it's not safe!"~ to which he's probablyright. But I wasn't going to leave her alone feeling ill out on the porch cold and sick. Like I saidwe now have that couch that I took in and I could have slept on that with her~ it's big enough for both of us to sleep comfortably. Insteadthough I'm awake.I helpedAaron put our other set of clean sheets and a comforter on the bed and tried to lie down and go back to sleep, but obviously itdidn't work. Sountil the 2nd sleep aid pill kicks in I guess I'll be blogging.

Myvisit with my therapist tonight was fairly uneventful. But it was a very toughday and evening for me. My Momwas giving me the cold shoulder and thenwhen I asked what was wrong, shetoldmethat she was "Disgusted" with me because I hadn't done the dishes yet when shegot home. "I can't doeverything in this house myself", she said. AndI'm thinking," Really? Who does the vacuuming,loads and unloads the dishwasher, makes most of the meals, cleans up afterZachary and everyone else, takes care of the animals all the time (even her's), does the laundry for 3 out of the 4 people in this house, and yet still has to make time to be agood parent who plays with her son and does games and teaches him to ride his bike and do his homework with him? Really?!!". I wanted to scream at her but I just sat there and looked at my feet and asked myself if what I wanted to say would improve the silence anyor help the situation and cameback with a resounding "NO", so I kept my mouth shut.All I felt like doingwascrying. Or carving on my leg again. Butthe tears didn't come andI stayed away from knivesand razors. So at least I had that much control.

So we do the dishes, I have Zachary take care of the mess he's made of the living room, and I go downstairs for the night. I just can't be around her anymore. On the way to my appointment before all this I had a conversation with Aaron about moving out and what we'd need to be bringing in income-wise to be able to support ourselves. He doesn't make enough to do it, so we have to come up with some ideas. But after that little scenario tonight I'm ready to go NOW. I've had it with being made to feel like I'm useless and I'm only home because I'm lazy. Bullsh*t! Even my therapist doesn't want me working right now because I'm too erratic and still trying to deal with medication changes. That's right, the doctors don't want me working. And besides, I'm afraid I scare the hell out of the patrons by busting out in tears for no reason or singing at the top of my lungs and dancing because I'm manic. Not a good scenario, either one of them. I really think she hates me right now because I'mtrying forSSDI because we need the financial help and I can't work, but she has to work her butt offfor everything she brings home financially. She see's me as weak and taking handouts if I do this ~and in this family that's a complete no-no.

I think we're going to talk to her aboutseeing whether or not she'd be alright with us moving into her manufactured home a few miles away and just keep paying rent. Then she wouldn't have to payfor some ofour groceries, she'd be able to have the house to herself in peace, she could drop cable to basic, the electricbill would be a lot less, and I would have the animals so she wouldn't have to worry about them, except for her cat and dog and one bird. It would take care of so many of our issues as a household. Mom and Aaron not getting along, Mom hating the noise from playing with Zachary in the living room and herhiding in the den all evening,complaining because I have to shut doors to let the rabbit out, or put her cat in to let my cats go out, or any of the other animal issues. I'm just so sick of it all!

I think the dog is done being sick for tonight, so I'm going to try to get some shut-eye before I have to be up in5 hours to take my son to school. What a long night this has turned out to be. Sheesh.


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