Okay.  So… here's the deal… I am an 18 year old with no dating experience so this is going to sound teenage and silly.. but roll with it…

There's this guy.  He works at the mall, and he flirts with me, and I go to the mall pretty frequently usually with some excuse for why I'm there but actually just to see him, because I'm a stalker like that.  And I've talked to him, I dunno, three, four, five times now.  Somewhere in there, I'm bad at counting.  And today he asked for my number, and asked if I wanted to hang out tomorrow morning, and I said yes.

Some of you may remember my blog when I met this guy.  I remember saying that I was upset because all it took was a guy flirting with me to get stressed out enough to become violently ill out both ends.

Sure enough, I barely make it out of the mall without throwing up, and end up getting sick in the parking lot, WHILE ON THE PHONE WITH A FRIEND.  That was like three hours ago now, and I still feel pretty queasy, but it's started to sink in that I'm actually hanging out with a guy tomorrow and I'm excited too.  I've never had this much success before.  I mean I know this isnt a big deal, it's not like we're getting married, and I mean we may not even date or anything, but this is as far as I've ever gotten.  So it's a big deal to me.  And I'm afraid my anxiety will make me sick like it always does.  And god forbid he plan something that involves food, because even if I manage to keep it together food is the last thing I'm going to want to think about.  And worrying about worrying is making me even sicker.

 And it's just like… for one day… just ONE day.. I would like to be normal.  Not even the whole day, if I could just have this morning.  Just this one morning to enjoy my time with the random guy I met at the sandwich store, and feel good about myself, and have fun, and not throw up.  It would be a miracle.  And I would appreciate it SO much.

So, I'm hoping that tomorrow morning, I can at least pass for normal and get through everything and make it a positive experience.  And if I still like him after tomorrow, hopefully he'll want to see me again.

 I think I have about a thousand things running through my brain all at once right now, so fast that my brain cant even interpret them so it's just mashing it all into anxiety.  It's absurd.

 Wish me luck.


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