I am feeling like I am starting to have a panic attack. I kind of figured that this was going to happen. About an hour ago I started to feel a little ache in my left leg that felt like an ingrown hair. Well, I noticed that it only hurts when I stand on that leg alone. My worst fear is dying of a heart attack. My fiance earlier said that she is worried about me because I don't do much physical activity. I knew what she was getting at because she read it somewhere that people die of cardiovascular issues early due to a sedentary lifestyle, which I have had for a little while now due to an extreme case of agoraphobia. I have no idea why she tells me stuff like this. She knows that I am scared of dying of a heart attack. I don't know if she does this not thinking or if she is doing it to scare me. Ok, back to the leg. I started to think that it might be the worst case scenerio, a blood clot. I had a superficial blood clot a little over a year ago and it scares me to know that I have already had a blood clot nd I am only 29 years old. I had multiple EKGs, an ECG, Multiple vials of bood drawn, and a chemical stress test back in November 2011 and everything came back fine. The last time I had my cholesteol checked, it was 170 something total. My HDL was in range but was on the lower part of it. I am not sure why I worry about this so much and it is the one thing that I fear the most and yet whenever I have a panic attack, that is what it feels like because I get shortness of breath, tightness in my chest, etc… I also worry that one day I might be having a heart attack and pass it off as a panic attack because how are we supposed to know the difference? I went to the ER about a week ago because I was having negative side effects to a medicationthat I was taking to get rid ofC Diffand guess what the doctor said they were caused from, yeah that's right, anxiety! Everytime I go to the ER,the diagnosis is anxiety. He didn't even do any tests. All he did was a quick listen to my heart (which he was obviously blowing me off because there was no way that he could hear my heart well from the way that he was doing it, listened to two spots and he listened to each spot for less than a second)and listened to my lungs in a fast way also. I hate going to the ER because when they see what meds I am on, they automatically assume that it has to do with anxiety because the first thing that they ask is what I take the medications for. So frustrating! I feel like our doctors are getting lazy on us. Luckily, I see a nurse practioner as my family physician and she tests things first before she says that it has anything to do with anxiety She doesn't just blow me off. Now that I am thinking about how she treats me, I might call the main office and tell them how great it is to have her as a physician. I think that she deserves some sort of praise. I have dealt with too many doctors that think that people with mental illnesses should be able to 'man up' and handle it without meds. Wow, I love how blogging or even typing in my phone on a notepad about my panic can help relieve my anxiety. I have had more episodes of panic throughout the time that I have been taking this antibiotic than ever before and that means that I am having A LOT of them. Well, I've been rattling on for a bit now so I am going to try and get some reading done. Hope everyone has a good night/day where ever you are!