Or are they one in the same? I've spoke in previous blogs about love & relationships being triggers for me, I thought it might be different this time around because I'd not been in a relationship for a while.. but after he treated me badly, all I do now is worry & assume he'll get bored with me or something – my trust has gone down dramatically & I hate that… I feel like I'm protecting myself by bracing for the worst, but I fear that will only lead to me destroying everything.. It's a paranoia I have and its so extreme, I don't know if this is directly linked to my anxiety – are they the same thing? Anxiety makes me scared, but paranoia tells me something is happening when its not. Either way, both of these things are fighting a battle inside of me at the moment. I have so much stress with uni, I'm lonely when I leave home & my friendships feel like they're changing – I don't like how I feel right now and I'm afraid I'm about to face a bout of anxiety. I can't seem to sway away… One trick I've found that stops me worrying and dwelling in the anxiety is to hang out with my 1 yr old niece, she helps me more than she'll ever know, when I'm with her life becomes easy, she's the centre of all my thoughts because I love her so much and just want to make sure she's safe and happy… but of course, in the middle of the night I can't exactly call her round to play. Distraction helps me, but night time is the worst. I hate being caught up in a relationship, I fear I've fallen for this guy & for me it only means me getting more paranoid. I don't wanna be hurt all over again and to be honest I've already seen a side to him that shows how easily he could do that. Once again, I've got to the end of a blog and having purged my thoughts, I'm now thinking – as Buddha tells me – take every moment as it comes, don't dwell on the past or fear for the future, but absorb the present moment in its entirety for its fleeting… see, now its gone. I will figure this out, I know I'm a stronger person than this, as if a guy can make me feel like this…(he's more paranoid than me, which only heightens the problem, because I never want him to be mad or suspicious of me when I've done nothing) Anyway, I think a good sleep might help this.


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