I woke up (6am as always, my youngest comes in to get us). My middle daughter was sleeping between my husband and I. She had a nightmare and came into our room at 4am. It took me about 30 min to get her to calm down. She doesnt have nightmares often but when she does they are awful. She had a very rough start to life and I think they are flashbacks to then.

I got up, dressed, went outside to feed my big dogs and put them out in the yard. Got the kids working on some school work. Got a call from the state saying to come in and get my food stamps (but cant use them until may 6th).

Looked in my pantry and fridge. There was no lunch meat for lunch. Actually nothing in the fridge except about a cup of milk, a starting to mold green pepper, two onions, and a few carrots, and some salad dressing. lol soooo sad. My pantry has cereal, rice, flour, sugar, etc… and a ton of tomato sauce. So I googled "tomato sauce recipe". lol I found a ton of spaghetti sauce recipe's and found one where I had most of the ingredients. I put the tomato sauce in the crockpot, chopped the two onions and added them, cut the mold off the pepper, chopped the rest and added that. Cut up the carrots and added that. Tossed in a few spices.

I fielded two more calls. We finally found an auction house that will take our large stand alone clock, two nice bookshelves and our SUV. We dont have room in this smaller house for the furniture and the SUV is too gas expensive but it is paid off. They come Thursday to pick up the stuff and hopefully they can sell them for a good price. We could use the money.

The kids worked on some homework. My youngest has been testing and testing and testing. She gets to where she decides she wants to push and see if I will give. She goes at it constantly for up to a week or two Its day 4 or 5 and she is in amazing form today. Sigh.

I pulled out some soup I made a couple weeks ago and froze. I will thaw it and serve that for lunch. My husband and I are headed for an argument. He is now home all the time since he was fired. Yet he still doesnt help with the house or kids or the list of things we have to do. He does the fun, big, one-time projects and then he feels he's all done. Augh!

I see that its 11am and we have an appointment at 2. I heat up the soup. Serve it. There is enough for the kids to get full, and for my husband to eat a little (not enough to get full). I tell everyone I need to head off to get a shower. Lucky for me nobody notices I havent eaten lunch. I shower, dress in the only pair of nice pants that fit (I gained weight from depression but I think its coming off again 😉 ), nice shirt, suit jacket type jacket. After the meeting with the food stamp people I am going to toss my resume around a bit.

Head to the state office. We all pile into the car. Husband and I had a fight while I was getting dressed. I pointed out that this week he doesnt have any interviews and that I have been out of the house doing interviews most of the week. Yet I still am the one who needs to do all the homeschooling, phone calls, house cleaning, cooking…..? He seems to understand but we will see. I hope so.

I get my card. No idea how much will be on there yet. I cant use it until the 6th of May. We all drive to the administration building of the local school district. When I was meeting with the special program at the schools for my youngest……I heard a rumor that the contract with the hospital had run out and they were going to need a district school nurse. So I went to the office to poke around and put out my resume. I met the secretary who confirmed the rumor, told me a little about the job, and promised to give the superintendent my resume. Praying HARD that this works out. Its close to the house, same hours as my kids so I wouldnt have to try to figure out daycare. It would be great!

Found that I had left my phone at home in the rush to leave so the kids and husband had to sit in the parking lot waiting for me. We decide that we really cant wait until the 6th for food so we head home to get my phone and then to the store. We try to get only the basics and things that I can make into meals. We got a lot for $46.97. No matter what that is going to last until the 6th.

The two former friends who have decided to step back right now had texted me while my phone was left at home. Both wanted something. A wonderful friend on here has suggested that I say no to them but I sort of didnt to one of them. She wanted me to be a reference for her. I said yes. Maybe I wont have to do anything. We'll see.

We got home at 4:30 and the sauce smelled so good we all decided to eat early. It was soooooooo good. My husband wanted to go for a walk with the kids and I. The wind was cold and I really didnt want to go outside. He ended up taking them anyway which was wonderful. I decided to take a bath. I never get to do that! I also painted my nails when I was done.

We went to bed and I was relaxed for the first time in forever! I lay in bed a long while thinking though. Of my friends, family. The ones who only seem to want to have me help them yet dont want to do the same for me. I decided that I really would rather be alone than deal with them right now in addition to all the other things I have going on. It will be hard but I am going to try very hard to stop helping them and making them feel better. Starting now.

2 Comments
  1. ancientgeekcrone 9 years ago

    Gee Steph, that is an awful lot to juggle. I wish you the best of luck. I have found in my own life that there are people I help and there are people that help me. There are do the same people. Some people can help you and you can help some people. Again, they won't be the same people. It is almost like a chain link fence, with each preceeding link depending on the link in front of it.

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  2. Aswa 9 years ago

    Steph you are doing an amazing job with your family situation, so glad you got to take a bath and paint your nails (something just for you at last).  Aswa

    P.S It will get easier to say "no" to requests from others. Please help yourself out first. You are worth it 🙂

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