I am really frustrated and hurt. I'm an adult, so my decisions are my decisions…of course. But that doesn't mean I don't care what others feel or care to hear their opinions. For so long, it seems my parents whom I had been quite close to just…have been strangely silent about my boyfriend. They only just recently met him 'cause he's now living in their area and I'm visiting them.
I've felt tension around and it's been driving me crazy. So finally, I decided to be brave and talk to my mom about it. She thinks he seems nice, but doesn't really know 'cause she hasn't had a chance to get to know him–that's a fair response. But then she got into the concerns she has about him…. He smokes and drinks, for instance. I grew up in a rather conservative Seventh-day Adventist Christian home. Just some of what I was taught: Don't drink, don't smoke, don't eat meat, keep the Sabbath (no work, etc. on it), no extra-marital sex. And it was unthinkable to ever date anyone who didn't have the same convictions (except possibly vegetarianism).
I still consider myself to be a Seventh-day Adventist. The Sabbath is important to me; it's my day of rest with my Best Friend and Lord. But even my Adventist family doesn't keep the Sabbath the way I do. That's not to be judgmental…it's just to say that I've had frustrations with them trying to push me to do things on Sabbath that I didn't feel comfortable with. While I consider myself to be an Adventist, above that, I am a follower and friend of God. I am much more spiritual than religious. I know that's rather cliché.
Okay, so… Now that you have that background. My boyfriend is not an Adventist, nor has he ever been. He is a Christian. He smokes and he drinks. So my mom asked me if I still believe those things are wrong…. How do I answer that? I tried to respectfully explain… I don't necessarily believe they are wrong and I do believe that the dangers of them have been exaggerated. That's not to say that I think they're the best idea or that I don't believe that they're not dangerous. What I really mean to say is that I think it is more important to just LIVE and be happy rather than obsessing over these things and worrying about them. But she didn't even let me finish explaining. All she can say is "Then I guess I've failed you." I told her "Mom, you taught me to think for myself; you have not at ALL failed me!"
I don't know how to deal with this. I think my parents have already written off my boyfriend, and me, too, since they won't be satisfied that I'm sane and right with God unless I conform to THEIR convictions!
I don't know what to do and I'm so sad and now I can't stop crying 🙁 And I'm trying to do it quietly, 'cause I don't want my mom to hear me…. But I hate closed in spaces and I want my cats to be able to come in and out of my room, so don't want to close the door…. FUCK!!! Oh, yeah…that's another thing… We DEFINITELY don't swear! To me…words are just words; they don't really mean anything…who the hell gets to decide what words are good and what words are bad? But my parents will never get that…it's okay if they don't agree, but it'd be nice if they respected it. Not that they know I think that way. I haven't told them and I don't cuss around them out of respect. It'd be nice if I had some respect in return.