I had therapy again today. We discussed my eating habits, my sleeping habits, my lack of a routine, hobbies, etc.. My next appointment is scheduled for November 10th and my therapist wants to kind of work out something of a schedule with me then to give me some amount of structure.
She advised me not to try to fix everything at once so instead of trying to eat right, sleep right, do my homework, work out, and pick up a hobby all at once, I should pick one thing and start small. So I decided to look for guitar lessons because I've always wanted to learn how to play and I think doing so will help me to create something of an identity for myself. Everyone's hobbies, job(s), family, etc. shape what sort of person they are. A musician identifies with being a musician and shares similiarites with other musicians. The same applies to writers, athletes, singers, etc.. Lacking a hobby means that I have nothing to hold onto and it's a problem.
I've checked out some prices and it looks like it'll cost me something like $50 an hour. Owie… I'm going to keep researching just in case…
My happiness was short-lived, however. I came home, told my boyfriend about my guitar plans, and received this as one of my responses:
"well then do it, I've tried to make you but no one listens to me"
Now, don't get me wrong. He was positive in most of his other replies but that one bugged me so I argued back and finished with, "I don't need you to be a know it all right now, quit trying to depress me. :("
He responded by telling me that he's not trying to. It kinda got worse from there…
"I'm just saying I tried to make you practice and do stuff but it never works"
I told him that I didn't like being told "I told you so" but he didn't believe that this was his message to me. And somehow, the whole conversation turned around to how abused he is, how mean I mean, how I insult him all the time, how I logged on and started "taking jabs" at him. The end was:
"no, I mean it no one listens to me, you don't and you yell and insult me and expect me to take it"
[insert my long rant about how hard it is to get along with him, stating we might need a break, and then logging off to do homework]
"we don't need a break you need to change your attitude
you log on, take a couple jabs at me and then storm off when you see fit"
So once again, I was left to wonder, "How the fuck did this entire conversation become about his being a victim and me being horrible yet again?" Almost every fucking conversation ends this way. Every time. And I'm so fed up with it that I could just about puke. I'm torn between thinking that maybe I overreacted to his comment (the "well then do it, I"ve tried to make you but no one listens to me" bit) …and thinking that his comment was entirely inappropriate and unnecessary… Was I too mean? Did I blow it out of proportion? Or was his comment really as annoying as I think it was? =/
Not only am I still mad about that but the bitches next door are giggling and laughing really loud again. I guess I won't be starting a new, healthy sleep schedule anytime soon. I'll be lucky if I ever get to fall asleep before 3:00am again… Too bad too because it's almost 9:00 and I'm actually tired but I can't rest this way.