I really want to write something, like i have this urge that i NEED to write something. I am not sure what, but i hope it helps. I jus dont know what to do with myself. or how to even help myself. I want to leave this behind and actually communicate with my family. My mom thinks i should talk to my aunt about how i feel she is with kierst. But i dont know how, i dont know how to talk to someone. I dont know how to reach out for help, i cannot tell someone when theres a problem. I used to be real open on this site in the chat but now i feel i cannot even be truthful with you guys because all i do is moan and groan about my problems and i feel bad. I was thinking about life last night and if its truly worth it. I truly dont think it is. I want to just end it all soooo badly. looking at this website i realise that theres so much wrong in the world that i just dont think i have the mental capabilities to take it, and be sucesful in this world without fakin it all… Theres just no way i could possibly do it. Feeling this pain all the time, its just stupid. Why do i even want to try if all i do is fail. Not just failing myself, but my family and friends. I cannot talk to anyone without some sort of attitude and im sick of it. I have no idea how to control myself. I have images that come and go in my head all. The images of cutting myself deep on my arms and just ending it. At least that pain i can control. I wanna do it so f'in bad, but i know i shouldnt. So i sit here in my chair just typing whatever comes to my head. I feel like i know i should be happy theres not much to be upset about. But this sad feeling is just so overwhelming. I shouldnt have to deal with this! I know no one should, but just why me? Why not someone else… well i wouldnt want anyone else to have this but why me?!? Just what did i ever do thats so wrong… ='///

 

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