I'm so so so tired. The lights are blinding my eyes and I just want to crawl back into my bed, hide under the duvet and stay there for a few years until things get better. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, I don't want to feel the way I do there. I don't wanna walk around feeling so ugly and useless, seriously I could stand in the middle of the school and scream at the top of my lungs and no body would even look up. It's just me, noone wonders where I am, they have their friends. I only have one best friend in school, Shannon. She's great, honestly don't know what I'd do without her. But how did it get like this?
I used to be so popular, perfect hair, perfect makeup, pretty, loads and loads of friends, people wanted to be my friend, loads of love interests, school used to be a doddle for me. Not anymore,… But am I really bothered? Thinking about all that now, all I can think about is how VAIN and boring does that sound. Because it does!! The horrible girls I used to be 'friends' with who now I hate are just so dull and boring, they have nothing to them. I've opened my eyes properly now, and those quiet, shy, hardworking people that aren't attention seekers like those horrible bully girls are, can be some of the nicest people you've ever spoken to. I don't judge anyone, unless obviously I do know them and they've given me a reason to judge them badly, but no matter who or what you are, I'll always talk to you, be your friend, etc. I guess I'm glad I'm not the girl I used to be anymore, but now I just feel un-existant. I feel so ugly, walking around with no makeup on and black eyes.
I slept last night from 2.30am till 10.30am. That's quite good in my eyes, but why am I still craving sleep? I want to be awake, and able to just get along with my life in happiness but I cant. My heads pounding still, and my skins itching, I just want to cry but I cant get the right emotions to come out, I cant get tears to come out, I feel nothing, empty.