Try to call me
Make me feel you
Such in a turmoil that I can't
You say you love me
You say you want me to be the best i can be
But now i feel suffocated and i don't know what to do
Sickened by the sight of my own self
I can't believe that you can look at me
With eyes of degradation, seeping into me like a ravenous creature
I can't believe it has come to this,
When you peer into my soul and you feel like you don't know me anymore
Why is it that I have become such a burden to you.
I can't make decisions that will ever make you happy
I can't be the person you thought I was or will ever be
It's obvious to me that I will never be the one for you.
The scales are tipped to your side
You are adored by all.
I am the most hated, and for good reason
I never meant to bring my drama into your life.
Have you ever felt so alone, even in a room full of people?
Have you ever thought of what it would mean for no one to care if you fucking died?
Have you ever put yourself in my shoes, even for a moment?
Have you ever just cried yourself to sleep, knowing that no one fucking cared?
I can't turn back the clock
and change what I've done to me and you
I can only look forward, my emotions bottled up inside
You can only remember the bad things and that's ok too.
Hear my words, I'll only say them one time
I won't be turned into a doormat or a lame.
I've made mistakes, but I'm an adult willing to take the blame.
I can only hope that you stop making me feel like shit, end the crying game.
Feel the love inside my heart,
Like you used to before.
Or just end this agony before I end it all.
The pain I feel is churning inside me, deep within the core.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I can only pay the price for actions I've already done.
I'm so close to losing my mind that I'm worried I may do something rash.
Like hurt myself or hurt someone else, tired of seeing the barrell of your gun.
Pretty poision, siren, if you may.
These are all my names and shame me to the point of death to come.
Ugly seedlings inside my head cause me to forget who I am….
Make me bleed from every pore like I've been used by some.
But, the difference between you and me
Is that I know God is carrying me through these times.
I can't do it on my own, for sure.
Only God can judge me for every sinful crime.
I am totally surrendering to my faults
I can feel his ugly breath on my neck….
He wants me to fail again and again.
He likes it when I look like a trainwreck.
Fuck me harder, i will always say
I think i like it when it hurts me this way.
Seeking anger and destruction within my heart of sorrow.
Kind of hoping when i fall asleep tonight, I will be no more.