Does my doctor hate me?
I used to dread going to my regular doctor's office because I hated to spend money on a 30-minute wait and a two-minute visit. Despite the long waits and the expensive copays, I loved talking with my doctor because he would always ask about my mental health, my artwork, and he seemed genuinely interested when I shared my thoughts with him. It was like talking to a favorite Uncle or long-lost older brother. I especially loved hearing about his daily struggles, his most memorable recent accomplishments, and just hearing him unload some of the stuff that was weighing on his shoulders but no one bothered to ask him about.
All this changed when he found out about my HIV status. Ever since he was informed about my diagnosis, it was almost like I had committed some hateful crime against him personally. Maybe he doesn't mean to, but now I feel like he looks down at me in disgust and in contempt. We used to talk about so many things, but now it's all business, to the point, very matter-of-fact and very cold. I expected any other idiot to treat me like that after they learned about my condition, but I never expected my very own physician to treat me like that. This is the man it's taken me forever to feel legitimate trust in. It took me forever to not feel like I was going to be ostracized for being Mexican. Little did I know I'd be given the cold shoulder for being HIV positive.
Have any of you folks out there experienced something like this before? I've read in books time and time again how you shouldn't tell friends or coworkers about your status because more often than not you're going to be ostracized. Maybe they should add family doctors to the list of people you shouldn't tell. Hmmm…
Hope to hear from you.