I read in the news today that psychologists have predicted that 19th January 2009 will be the most depressing day in history. This doesn't surprise me at all as I feel I've reached the lowest point it is possible for me to go.
2008 was such a horrid year – the worst of my life – for all sorts of reasons, and I did have high hopes that 2009 might kick off a little better. However those hopes were dashed when my husband packed his bags and left me on christmas eve and so I entered 2009 not sure if I even had a marriage left.
I still don't have a job and it's reached the stage now where – financially – I just can't cope any longer without one. I had 2 interviews on thursday, which threw me into a terrible panic – I can barely handle one interview, nevermind two on the same day! One was actually for my old job, and I more or less felt it was impossible I wouldn't get it because they didn't want me to leave in the first place – so I thought the only way I could flunk it is if my anxiety got the better of me and I did a poor interview. But I was pleased with the interview I did and yet still didn't get the job. The other job I was holding out strong hopes for too as I felt I did my best interview ever there – but I expected to hear this morning if I had it, but no call so I must have flunked that one too.
I've never felt such a failure, and every single interview I do takes so much out of me – I wish it got easier the more I do, but it doesn't. I just wish my luck would change because it's got to the point I just can't cope with the rejection anymore! 🙁