Thanks, Firefox, for making me type this all over again.
I'm reading a book right now-that I'd REALLY like to recommend.
Actually, I'd like to recommend, in general, the author-Cornelia Read.
Her characters' voices are smart and witty, savvy, and hold an amazing sense of sarcastic realism that you can relate to.
The genre is: Adult Mystery. I recommend “A Field of Darkness” or “The Crazy School”
Anyways, for the past day since my last blog, I've been holding the mentality of my goal-
to get past my episodes, get past this “depression” or technical hold-back -mentality,
and get help for this life.
Unfortunately, it's almost as if something erupted, and made me feel worse.
It's as if the harder I try, the harder it fights back. I had an episode last night in which I carved out my arm.
It makes me scared, as I realize that each time I have an “episode” or date with SI,
it gets worse each time. I'm afraid of what will happen if I let them unfold, and don't get help.
What's worse, my dad doesn't believe me. He won't allow me to get any therapy,
so that's egging on my fear.
With no job to pay for anything, with no car or lisence to drive anywhere,
I have to get this right with my parents.
We'll see.
Thanks for yesterday's words and comments, I'll reply those in a moment.
Have an amazing day, Depression Tribe.
If you have advice for hopefully suggesting anything to my parents, [especially my father],
I'd like to hear it.
If I go through therapy, I'd have to bring up the topic of the sexual abuse,
and I have a hunch that that's what's holding my father back.
Enjoy your friday. 🙂
I'm also wondering whether this is connected to my episode or "depression"-
my hypothyroidism.
I should be taking daily medication for it,
however, I forgot for 3 days, and my thyroid [or lymph nodes] are swelling up around my throat,
and whether that's connected or not, I'm not sure.
Perhaps, I'll have to look it up.
Not taking the meds (thyroid) can mess you up as well – I missed four days of hormones just before my last bout of major depression and am convinced it was a trigger.
Is there anyone other than your folks you can talk to – can you talk to your family doctor and have them recommend therapy – or a teacher or other family member? Might have more impact coming from outside…
Til then keep blogging here. Just getting it out helps.
I have had a terrible time with depression, and medication for it is the best thing that ever happened to me (the ONLY good thing I learned when I was working at the real Crazy School). I used to feel like I was missing some vitamin that everyone else had, when I was a kid. My college pal and I started calling our Prozac "vitamin P" because it helped so much. It's helped me way more than talk therapy ever did, although I know that works wonders for some people.
Thank you so much for recommending my books. And I deal with sexual abuse in the third one, Invisible Boy. Email me your address and I'll send you a copy, if you like. corneliabooks at yahoo dot com.
I hope things start looking way better to you, and thanks again,
Cornelia Read