It appears that I’ve been a member of this website since February 3, 2007.  This is my first blog.  I had been doing well for a while.  But lately, seeing that I work a very stressful job and my long-term boyfriend chose alcohol over me, I have not been doing so hot.  My depression is back.  Further, I’d been seeing my therapist for approximately nine years, and since my weight got so low she kicked me out of therapy, telling me not to come back until my weight gets up.  You see, I have history of Anorexia.  I also have history of abandonment issues, so her kicking me out of therapy like that, when I was already going through a break-up with my boyfriend, made me even more depressed.  Further, I recently bought my own place and moved out on my own with my two cats.  The separation from my family isn’t helping much either.  My weight has dropped from 130, to 97 pounds.  Let me just say that I know I’m not fat.  I’m just depressed.  I don’t feel like eating much.  Maybe this is me slowly killing myself.  I don’t know.  It feels like nobody cares.  My ex-boyfriend stood me up several weeks ago to get drunk with his friends.  He supposedly wanted to get back together with me, but that’s the crap he pulls.  Alcohol is more important to him.  He could never say that he loved me.  I don’t take that too personally, because he never told anyone he loved them, but we were together for one year.  It sucks to know all that effort I put into the relationship and how much I loved and cared about him, the feelings were not mutual.  He has some emotional issues, I know that.  We all do, but it’s whether or not you’re dealing with them and getting help.  The ex-boyfriend finally called me yesterday, three weeks later… Not to apologize for standing me up, just to see how I was doing.  He didn’t apologize because I know he’s not sorry.  He’s told me before that he’s not sorry for his drinking.  He said his drinking is my problem.  Ah, what a true Alcoholic!  Men like him make me trust other men less and less.  He makes me so angry.  He really does.  Anyway… I’m very depressed lately, I cry too much, my sleep schedule is way off, my weight is dropping.  I need a support system.  Oh, the other thing is that I’m a social worker.  I help others for a living.  I feel like I can’t talk to any of my friends about this, because they’ll think I’m "crazy."  I hear how they talk about our clients.  I know they’d probably think differently of me, if they knew the real me and the struggle that I’ve been dealing with for my entire freaking life!

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