Ok well i just felt like getting some things off my chest about my dad. Maybe that way i can start to forget and have a relationship with him.Sorry if i skip around a lot. I'm putting it in as a note to him. I have heard it helps so here i goo….

Dear dad,

I hate EVERYTHING you have ever done to me or my family. I hate how abusive you were towards us, and how you raped me when i was 3 and 4. For one how dare you touch my older brother when he wasn't even YOUR kid?!? You would put him naked in the corner, thats just b.s. its not even right. Or how about that one time you beat him so bad for not wearing shoes outside that he couldnt sit down because his butt was black and blue? and how mentally abusive you were to mom? You took her precious moments she got when she was a kid from her mom, who died when she was only 10. So what gives you the right to just smash things like that? That was her only connection to her mom basically. I hate how you feel so right to do all that, you dont even care! So what about when i accidentally called my step-dad jim, my dad in front of you on accident. Of course, hes been with me sense i was 3 he took care of me wayy better than you ever did. You said that i learned everything i know from you, not! Try rethinking that! Then one time you upset me so much over the phone that i hung up on you. You called back over 20 times! Leaving over 13 messages which lasted so long that the machine had to cut you off. Ranting on about everything. How if i ever called jim my dad again you would tear his neck apart and leave him there to die. Then you just happened to say that you don't know why i let my mom brainwash me into thinking i didnt rape you when you were 4 because it "slipped up there." No it didn't stuff like that just does not "happen." After you said that i fell to the floor crying. My brother held me there as i wept…You kept calling so much that we unplugged our phones and a half hour later you were calling still. Of course thats not good enough for you, so you came over and started screaming,spitting all over me and my brother. Calling us names such as stupid. You wonder why we never want to see you. We spent months a way from you for a reason. Then one day i was all happy about getting to see my daddy and the first thing i herd from you is wow your getting fat. Why would you ever say that to your daugher? Not only is it rude, but that hurt. It hurt so bad. You wonder why i never visit ughh it just makes me so angry how you can be yelling. screaming at the top of your lungs and then i start to cry and you ask whats wrong. It's you. I dont get how that never crosses your mind. Like you can never do anything wrong. You made it so bad that i dont wanna be with you anymore, and when i do you have to buy me stuff which is the only way ill normally stay. I feel bad afterwards. but why would i want to stay if all you do is drink with your girlfriend and her son who basically would have raped me as well because he was so drunk, but i stopped him and laid down with your girlfriend.I never told you about because i was too ashamed. I also remember how when i was little you would purposly get me drunk. When my mom stopped that you would still give it to me, just in a small amount so i wouldnt go home like that. I just wish i knew went through your mind when you did all this. You call me a self centered hoe,whore, b*tch, and everything else. You have no idea how many times i wish i could be like other girls with their dads. I see little girls on top of their dads shoulders and i go into a depression just because they have a good dad. Im so jealous and i hate it. why couldnt i get a normal dad??? Sometimes i wish that you just would have never had me, that way you don't have to deal with my stupid self… When my mom was pregnant you kicked her in the stomache so like wth. i just dont understand. Maybe i never will. Your poor to which i know you cannot help, but when you live in a rented room with one bed why would i want to sleep there? But for some reason i still love you. Why??? One of my friends used to tell me, if you ever want me to take care of him just tell me, i can make it look like an accident. Sometimes i truly wanted to but i couldnt take the guilt of it. All i needed was your adress and thats it youd be gone!  I want things to be better but now that your with your girlfriend and her pot heads of sons, i cant. When i do go there you always ask if i want a beer cause i LOVED it when i was little. It's not funny its not even a joke. I have been trying to go with you lately but i can only go with a friend cause i dont feel safe. I remember one time you almost broke my arm because i wouldnt get out of your seat so you shoved me off. Or when i wouldnt back off from your face or something and you pushed me into the couch. I bit my tongue so hard i started bleeding and it swelled to about the size of a pencil eraser. I also hate how you mess with my head. When my brother was little and he didnt want to go with  you, you told him that you would take him bowling and as soon as you got outside you told him you were lying and then drug him off with you. You always would rub my hair all creepy like and now i hate it. I cannot even have a good time with you because im soo scarred of whats going to happen. We were wrestling once and you "tickled me"  on my inner thigh. I flipped and kicked you away, once in the jaw and you cused me out. i wasnt aiming for your chin, but you had it coming. Theres so much more i could write but honestly i dont think i could handle it as im already crying my eyes out…

bye….

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