I really miss Alex. I last saw him on March 6 when I left him in Missouri. He doesn't want to be there. The plan is for me to get a job and a place for us. Then he will join me.

I feel really stupid about the whole situation. He has been in MO since last July. Was suppose to get himself a job and a place for us so that I could join him. That hasn't happened yet. Oh, he has a job, a shitty job, and a place (a room in a house). He says there is no room there for me tho his room is bigger than the one we had in Cali.

Alex met someone while in MO. He had told me that they were just friends. That she feeds him and gets him things that he needs.

He flew to Cali so that he could drive back to the midwest with me. We had a wonderful trip. B4 he came out there, he had broken up with me. During the trip, we got back together and even bought promise rings.

When we got to his room in MO, his door was decorated and he had a couple gifts. From the girl he had met. 🙁 I asked him if he was sure that they were just friends cuz it sure didn't look like it. He assured me that they were. I believed him.

So, I left on the 6th and came up to my parent's in IA to look for work and a place for us to live. He doesn't like MO and wants to come here to IA.

A couple days after I got up here, Alex made a confession to me. The girl, Kim, and he were more than friends. When he tried to break off with her he ended up getting threats and such from her friends. He was very much scared for his life. He explained to me that the only way for him to survive down there would be to stick it out with her. We talked about it for a long time and I agreed that he should do that as well. I have no way for him to join me here yet and I can't go there because there is no work there for me and he does not make enuf money to support both of us.

It's killing me knowing that he is with this other woman at the same time that he has promised himself to me. My head says to tell him to go to hell. My heart says to have faith and be patient and that we will be together soon. So confusing and so bringing me down. 🙁