im scared. to be myself around poeple, and even around no one. i been miserable for years. i know i got love to give..not love as in sex but love as human being enjoying all living things. I am afraind to show my true self because of judgement. some say that there shouldnt be a worry about judgement from other poeple but when you have been hidnig your true self for so many years people dont know the real me and it\'s to the point when a lot of the time i dont know the real me, in other words I hold back on letting my spirit flow freely. It\'s weird, hard, awkward to "all of a sudden be myself when others dont know "myself", my real spirit" Because of so many years of feeling and being the personality i developed from being sad, lonely, miserable, constant jugement from home and not being able to get away from it, reoccuring sad things from the past bad experience i had with medications and having no one to relate to me on that level, people who i let down because of those meds, people who i called "friends" when they are losers and did nothing good for me,…it\'s just hard to let things flow, meaning being myself….when school is out, and i move out, start a life of my own, of my own happiness, express myself and practice doing it, then I can come back to the people I care about and it will be "real" and my happiness will shine with acceptance and love in return like it was all normal. please, i hope that the ones i love stick around, whats left of them at least, and maybe i can get some back. live to breath, and apply all senses possible, use love as a 6th sense and life will never stop growing.

3 Comments
  1. Snuz 10 years ago

    Wow, even though you say you\'re scared to be yourself, you sound really positive anyway. At least you seem to have some good foundational beliefs.

    Best to you,
    Snuz

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  2. anotherben 10 years ago

    I know what it\'s like to hide away and feel fearful of the judgement other people will make upon you if you allow them to see who you really are. It\'s easy to kind of lose yourself when you are hiding who you really are, in my case i spent alot of time trying to be what i thought other people wanted me to be and thats something i still struggle with today. Alot of the time i was making negative judgements about myself assuming others would arrive at the same conclusion when in actuality although most do make judgements it isn\'t always negative.

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  3. adventureman 10 years ago

    anotherben, you\'re right not all the time it\'s negative judgment and it\'s good to look at it from a neutral acceptance. I think to relate to your situation, I chose loneliness as my route, both directions are rough roads.

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