Hmmm….. I have seen to have gotten myself into an ocd/bdd rutt.
I think I wrote in my last blog that every couple of weeks I email my doc in Boston and tell him about my progress. 2 weeks ago when I emailed I thought about what he said when I was at the hospital(4+ years ago) that some people may think/find me "ugly" He has told me in my emails I am having far more up then downs in general.
I have discussed with my current doc and he said my problem is not really the comment, its how I am reacting to it. I agree. The other problem is this. When I mention to people who know I have ocd about the comment some have explained what he was getting at, but I also hear people say to me you are a great/good looking guy. See the thing is I am not even looking for the reassurance, but by just saying what I am saying, its like an automatic reaction. It makes me even more ill and me not believe it even more.
The thing is I know what I look like. I like what I look like. I even know I am handsome, but sadly when I say this comment it gives someone a prompt to tell me, I am atttractive that I seem to try to remember when people have told me I am nice looking without a prompt. It makes the ocd worse. Although, I know there have been many times without the prompt.
Okay onto other things:
I decided to youtube.com Kathy Griffin as I am obsessing about this and as much as I want to obsess when I listen to Kathy Griffin I can not.
I am going to go see the move 7 today. Looks interesting.
I also started working for another family. And when I start to think about my crap. You see others have it much harder. I don’t know the whole story, but the boy is only 5. He lives with his grandma. No grandpa. His mother not in the picture she lives in hawaii(just odd) And they had a female nanny before and her mother died in a motocycle crash and she quit. The grandma wanted a guy to help mentor him. I think its a good fit.. I tool him swimming yesterday.
I also did another race a few weeks ago and took 2nd overall out of 125 people. Its the first time I have taken 2nd overall. I am training for the Boston Marathon and right now at my current pace I will not have a problem qualifiying.
I thinks this quote suites me and maybe some of you:
-I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagiated life would have suited me-yet sometimes I long for it.- Byron(An Unquiet mind)