I could feel something lingering, lying heavily in my chest, brewing, and music was what set it off yesterday.

Music is something I still enjoy. I love it too much for my own good, is what I think sometimes, because it keeps me from doing my homework. I could sit here and just listen to music and watch the moving designs in the Windows Media Player program for a very long time, or lie on the floor and close my eyes while the music plays. But yesterday it brought back negative feelings. I went for a run and then had turned on some music that I hadn’t listened to for a very long time, and did stretching and sit-ups (things I also have not done in a long time). Then I began thinking about the last concert that I went to, and the things regarding my friends that happened, because the music that I was listening to was a band that did the opening act…And so the tears came. In a past entry, i wrote that the last time I was so happy was when I went to my first concert. This was the first concert, and it’s too bad that whenever I think about this concert, I will likely always recall the incidences that happened before and after this concert…

I thought I was over the fact that my friends don’t care about what I want and what’s important to me. Music brought these memories and emotions back. All those miserable days of last summer came flooding back, those days that I hadn’t made any effort to contact my friends and how they didn’t care to contact me, and how my friends had lied as to why they didn’t do the things that I suggested that we did together (but made me do stuff that they wanted to do), just because of the very fact that they don’t care about me. They only care about themselves. And then my family don’t really care either. It was my summer of being completely alone, and just being inside my head the entire time…Right now I just don’t feel like going into what happened.

What does it take to be valued and important to somebody?? I’ll always be last choice to everyone.

This blog was supposed to be more than this, and more expressive. But I’m feeling passive, like dissolving into thin air. I just don’t feel like doing anything…

  1. ziquester 15 years ago

    I love that profile pic..that girl in the shadow of her room looking out to the snow covered streets.I assume it almost resembles you..staring out to the beauty of the world that seems to be beyond you.
    Im sorry about whatever happened at this concert.I see it has affected you greatly..determined a lot in your life and thoughts and emotions.Hm music does that to us..hate it when you gets you down,thus why its awesome listening to the ones that get you all in a dancing mood…lol.
    But please dont let what happened get you down.Theres a reason why that happened..and its because you dont need selfish friends like that who dont care.”Dont worry about those who dont worry about you”..vigorously apply that to friends.Saves you a lotta heartache.
    Good to see you did some exercise..keep it up,its good for the body and emotions.And take care hun..lol,if anything I said here is total and utter shit,then it is.So disregard..

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  2. IceJudge 15 years ago

    Wow…. amen to the first half of this blog…Music is always a trip down memory lane… Some of the memories it can trigger can strike a polar emotion oddly.

    As far as the last half of this blog.. I dont think decent person will look for a layout of a person to be in ordered to be valued or worth it. Being a Human being should be enough in any persons eyes, as long as that person is decent and not a complete ass they deserve some value. You dont deserve to worry about people of no value not caring about you. The things that make you care about yourself will attract others who care about you genuinely as well in time. I’m sorry to hear your “friends” wronged you but , one way of looking at it is now that you know what you know , you dont need to fall into the illusion that these people deserve your care any longer. Hope things look up for you.

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