Ugggggghhhhh I fucking hate anxiety. The swirling black swampy tarry mass, hot lava and steamy, that clings to the soul and slowly tears it like a delicate membrane. And that stretching is unbearable, it's a slow tingling tension, overlooking a great height about to fall, waiting to hit the ground, waiting to tear and rip, waiting to give in to total insanity. It makes you giggle and scream simultaneously, want to kiss and hug and kill at the same time. It's animal fear brought to the highest pitch of fright and abandonment.
 
Life can be hell. Life can be so hard. And confusing. Disorienting. Like drowning, being pulled under a rip current down to the darkest reaches of a deep ocean. From that descent, rising up comes the angst.
 
Angst.
 
ANGST.
 
Vomiting out, causing you to shake, tremble, burn up, and palpitate.
 
It's poured over you.
 
The cool winds of angels become the breath of dragons. Your familiar room in your safe home becomes your dungeon in hell. The clock stops, not on any known earthly designated time, but slipped off somewhere where time is bent. Where the past still haunts the present. Where the past is not shown to be calendars back, but here now and here forever. Smiling a sly perverted grin satisfied to see you aware of it again.
 
It's getting car sick reading charlie and the chocolate factory on the way to family for thanksgiving times eating 20 pancakes for brunch in a smoke filled chattering dennys on sunday after a dry sermon at church times going on the spinning tea cups ride and its a small world at disneyworld times having jim carry make that most annoying sound in your ear.
 
How long will this last? When will it end? Breathing becomes erratic and stressful. The only thing that can be done is sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. And hope nightmares don't come and that when you wake up you are simply shaking from exhaustion and not after quakes of anxiety from the day before.
 
But it passes. A few days go by. Your cheerful self peeks out from the hibernating hole seeing a clear sky. All things pass. Peace comes as time goes by. And you cling to it, and build your armour in case that anxiety should return….and you feel it lingering…. 
1 Comment
  1. mutilations 14 years ago

    Life is but an instance in this vast universe.  I'd quit complaining and actually do something about what life you were given. Why don't you rise above the ignorant masses and try not to just become a statistic.

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