ocd demands so much out of our lifes, and most of the time its a self forilling propasy. it makes you think that there are germs everywhere so you clean and you end up sick or with allergys because of over cleaning. for me it is protecting myself from others. i have only let a few rear people though my lays to were i trust them, and then they brake my trust,

the person i thought was my best friend how know me better then anyone else in the world, who also has ocd. choice to let his past parnters treat me like shit, this last time, it wasnt even his boy friend it was just the person he was fucking and had know for two weeks. this time i stood up for myself and said this isnt cool. and now were no longer friends. looking back i see that the relationship was toxic and that i shouldnt have trusted him. the last thing he said to me was "thats what happens when your freinds with someone because you pitty them"

i was friends with him for 4 years, this happen while my ocd was going crazy because of end of year exams, moving, and braking a rib.

once the ocd has setaled down again and i can sleep, how to i ever beggin to be friends with another person, how do i open up about myself? how do i feel confortable experseing who i am with out the gugment of anther person?

OCD protects me from getting hurt, i just dont know if it will ever let me open up again to have any emotional concetion again, i feel alone in the world in a safe little room protected but not free. and the walls have gotten thicker to the point where i cant see out and no one can see in.


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