I have decided that I need to take a break from men. When I was younger I was very passive when it came to the opposite sex and I never made the first move. As I got older, I decided to try being more aggressive and while my social life is a little more active as a result, it is now also a lot more confusing, dramatic, and painful. Consequently, I think it's best that I step back again. If a nice guy approaches me and is willing to put in the effort, great. If not, that's great, too.
Tonight will mark the 5th day that I've gone without texting X. I don't feel like cracking even though I do think about him a lot and wish we were closer. But I think I've humiliated myself enough.
W and I are getting along okay but I think he's developed feelings for me. He'd never admit it unless I felt the same myself so I can't even address the fact that he now seems to be jealous. It's possible that I'm misreading him but only time will tell.
I was somewhat interested in someone in one of my classes and that heated up a bit only to die off almost as quickly as it started. He seems shy so I don't know what to do there either but I wouldn't mind having him as a friend. I think the last active role I may take socially is with him – I just want to repair the damage because he seems timid when he doesn't need to be, I won't be a jerk with him regardless of what he says or thinks.
After that, it's homework, reading, gaming, coding, whatever. I need to get some professional things going, some projects, learn new stuff, spruce up my portfolio, you name it. A friend of mine started a website and he said he'd be interested in seeing my work to get an idea of whether he could use my help or not. If it takes off, I'd have an actual job and with a really cool friend to boot. 🙂