i just want to die i just want to be ok. why can’t i just die already?

my depression lies to me all the time and still i can’t tell what the lies are.

does it lie to me when it tells me i’m worthless i’m ugly i’m fat i’m too small no one will every love me. i can’t tell if it’s all a lie or if it’s all the truth every time i think that it’s going to be a good day it is never a good day.

my anxiety tell’s me i’m going to get hurt or i’m gong to hurt myself or some one else i do not want to hurt some one else so i hurt my self it’s like i have to just like i have to do the anther things i do like i have to wash my hands 3 time every time i wash my hands and i have to open and close the door 12 time every time i go to bed and i wake up

i’m so done with being alive i just want to die i’m done with having to hurt myself just to stop being so scared of hurting someone else i do not want to hate myself but i do. i want to know why i’m so scarred of taking care but i take care of everyone else it’s like i’m nothing if i’m not taking care of some one else but I can’t take care of myself. Why? why i’m i so fucked up.

i wish i was six feet deep

2 Comments
  1. iris-dar 2 years ago


    Good morning sweetness, Despite what you wrote here, when I see your name it makes me smile. 🙂 So happy you are here today!
    ♥♥
    Can I use your F****y name here? Don’t know if you want to share this with anyone else…..? Or I could some up with a nickname just for you? Feel free to make your own suggestion. Fee-bee, Fee-bee… the birds outside are calling to me,
    ♥♥♥
    I hear them when I’m sleeping… and then i wake up with a smile on my face 🙂
    ♥♥♥♥
    …almost as good as waking up with Cleo’s cold nose pressed to my cheek . (As weird as that may sound)… some living being is here with me, just waiting for me to wake up so we can spend some more glorious time together.
    ♥♥♥
    Life may feel rough right now, but people like you in the world make this a better place!! Try to be patient, don’t give in to the moody blues ok?
    ♥♥
    Sending hugs, a welcome smile and hope for a sunny day – Iris

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  2. iris-dar 2 years ago

    So what’s up these days? Feeling any better?

    My toes are cold, my fingers are flying and I am waiting for that first cup of coffee…

    Sending a smile, a warm hug and “Good Morning” ! – Iris

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