I was turned away. There were too many people. I was told to come back tomorrow and try to see a case worker/doctor again, or set an appointment…TEN DAYS FROM TODAY. The paperwork was taken care of, so I am at least in the system. But the thought of waiting ten whole days to get seen by a doctor about my depression, insomnia, exhaustion and unknown dual disorder was initially unsettling. I had a meltdown once that reality set in, but I will get back to that.

Whilst waiting in a room with screaming kids and grown-ups who stared at me like I was lost, I got a call for the third and final interview for a job I have been going for. So I didn't get to see a doctor, but I did interview. I didn't credit myself an actor, but color me impressed that I was able to come across as me, and not the sleep-deprived blubbering unstable version of me I have been for the last several days.

After a huge meltdown after I got home from the interview, I got the most wonderful phone call I have had in a long time. My sister was at the other end, and I don't hear from her much, so it was great that I got to listen to her voice, reminisce about memories of our dad (he passed away in 2010, and I was a daddy's girl through-and-through. He was my heart. But that is a subject for another day). I was honest about what I am going through, and I was initially scared because I tried to commit suicide several years back and it changed our dynamic. She listened and was…she was my sister. I needed that so much. I've missed that so much.

I have a decision to make: white-knucle this ride for another ten days, or gamble by going back down there tomorrow as a walk-in and hope that I can get seen.


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