*sigh The pressures of daily life, added to previous pains and thoughts…. i just wanna scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gullible or stupid? Easy-going or pushover? Mellow or a punching bag? Perception. It’s a real problem, sometimes…..most of the time, in fact. Why do i beat myself up over other people’s choices? What sense does that even make? The only person’s choices i have any control over, are my own. All i can say about that: it would be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much easier, if i were never here. Realistically, that’s not the case, obviously. i’m here, i’ve been here, and for now, i will remain. *sigh My coping skills are still a bit limited….or so i feel. My therapist explained some more things to me, this morning. *sigh The way i’ve had to cope–force myself to cope, anyway–in order to survive. She even asked me how many times i’d encountered the …..abuse. i still have problems simply trying to process how many times it’s happened. It sickens me. It makes my skin crawl, just thinking about the different individuals. “No” means NO! Why’s that such a hard concept? Or, is it simply a moot point, since it really doesn’t matter what your ‘partner’ says, to begin with? (i.e.: you’re gonna do what you wanna do, regardless) If that’s your take, WTF are you even in any sort of relationship or partnership???? What someone else feels should matter, especially if you’re with that person. Am i the only one here who feels/thinks that way? Or, maybe i’m overly sensitive? Feel free to share some input– *sigh All i have wanted to do since before i left my session, has been to dig into my skin….if i could just see the pools of blood form…..maybe it would draw some of the inner pain out? The decades of pain….the life that’s never been lived….the pain and scars that’ve formed from others’ actions, on top of my own. Will it ever end???? Is there any hope for a better day??? Or, am i simply wishing for something that could never possibly happen? Again, what does it even matter? At this point, i just want to sleep. Feel like if i stay awake much longer, i won’t last…..uuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhh
i’m sorry about your abusive relationship. you’re not the only one longing for that understanding. i have a friend whom I keep in touch with that she feels her husband doesn’t really love or respect her. she feels trapped in her marriage and it’s always so sad to hear when she talks about it. I think there’s a basic respect and courtesy that should be observed in all relationships.
as far as sleep I totally know what you mean. I decided to log on today because right now I want to sleep, but I already slept in this morning so I can’t. If I could, I would honestly just want to sleep all day…or all the time
i feel ya, my friend. ***hugs***
The relationship was more than just one thing–more than one time–*sigh But, i guess i didn’t really elaborate much, either. Was a tough thing to even stomach, let alone talk about. But, if i’m gonna heal, EVER, i need to face it.