I had a "job compacity" appointment today. Bascially they look at your circumstances and see what can be done for you in terms of working and getting a job. I was refered to these people for two reasons, one being my dodgy knee, and two, my depression. The lady was really nice, really understanding and listened to everything I said. It looks like at the moment they think i could probably do 8-15 hrs a week at a job. I’m not sure. I can feel like that i’m slipping backwards. Anyway they have refered me to yet another place, this is a job rehabilitation group, in which they give intensive support for both physical and mental issues, and getting people back into the work force. All this is completly daunting to me. I’m scared as heck and there is nothing I can do about it. I’m affraid that if i were to (ever) go back to work all i’m doing to do is fail at it. I’m not good enough to do anything that I would actually like to do, and pretty much anything else. I know that my self confidence is a huge factor in this. I just don’t feel like i’m good enough to succeed in anything, and forcing me to go back to work is just going to push me further away. I need to do this in my own time. When i’m ready. Mind you I’m kinda one of these people that has to have someone be motivated for me, or push me as I wouldn’t do it otherwise. So all in all its very very confusing.

On a completly unrelated topic, i’ve been surfing facebook a bit recently and I have noticed how many social events that my friends and family have been hosting, and not inviting me. I guess i’m just not worthy of invites these days. Not that i’d probably go anyway, but thats not the point. It really makes me sad. I can feel my mood slipping lower and lower as each day is passing. I don’t know what to do.. and it scares me.

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