I was going to say friendship in general sucks, but thats not completely true. I've been holding this in for a day or two and I'm finally just going to blog it. How I feel currently makes me not want to make any new friends because what is the point in having friends when you can't have the ones that you want. Thats not the way to be because someone else ten times better may come along, so I'm not shutting people out yet. I truly hate losing things, especially friends, good friends. I hate when people I care for are mad at me, and even more when they dont make it known why.I once had a friend, well I can't exactly say if were still friends now, who I thought was perfect. Keyword thought. I knew they had flaws, obviously, but I thought that all the negatives could be over looked. For some reason it seems like our friendship wouldn't grow. This person said they would hang out but cancel at the last minute or randomly stop talking to me for a month or two. Who knows maybe they didn't want the friendship as much as I did. I also had a bestfriend who disappeared earlier this week. I'm not sure why they're mad at me when I should be the one mad at them. Earlier this sumner I was disappointed to find out that they didnt care about me as much as I cared about them. I was too hurt to keep talking casually, so I asked to talk later. It want until like a month later that I was able to admit that I was hurt and forgive them. Earlier this week I found they blocked me on facebook and deleted my number. I guess I'm too arrogant because I feel like they need me. They really dont have much of a social life unless some hater is trying to fight them, they could be classified as bipolar and I'm the only person who understands and can relate to crazy thoughts/actions, and they dont really have people who appreciate them like I do. I could go on, but their not coming back, I'm very hurt by that. Especially since they will be having their first year in high school, I wanted to be a part of that but I have to watch from across the same halls as they go on. I even had/have a hero. I could write a whole novel about this person but I'm trying to stick to main points. I said had slash have because they are still my hero but not the way I want them to be. Their life is going through some dramatic yet good changes. I think I'm clinging on too much, I'm being selfish. They have a life that I have no part in and I can't come to grips with that because I want them. This person helped a lot emotionally and I feel in debt to them, I need to repay them. I also have managed to distort my views of them and corrupted way I feel about them. But they're not the only one. I've accidently corrupted my views of other friends and began doing things that aren't my normal things. I want a new group of friends to make me feel alive, I just can't find them fast enough. I truly can be the bestfriend for any one if they let me. These people I've told you about did not give me a chance to show my best work. People should give me a chance sometimes.

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