I always thought characters in popular media were overreacting when they talked about heartbreak. I guess I was wrong.

Everything hurts, and I want you back so much.

You were such a gift, and I wish I had cherished my time with you more. I can’t stop thinking of your eyes, your lips, the feel of your hair running through my fingers, your smile, your laugh, the safety I felt when we were together.

I’m so scared.

I want to talk to you so much. My heart aches and I tear up everytime I see or hear you. Every time I get a text my heart leaps at the chance that it might be you.

I miss your easy confidence, the way you can light up a room with your presence.

I feel so lost.

Every little thing reminds me of you.

Why can’t I stop crying?

You look so composed…

and perfect…

Well, not perfect. But nobody is. Was I just too blind to see your ‘mean’ side? That’s what people have been saying. I don’t want to believe that, though.

I love you so much.

You said I've been different since I started the meds. That I was a better person beforehand. Every night I stare at the pills in my hand and wonder if you'd take me back if I stopped taking them.

It feels like a part of me is just… gone.

Sometimes the pain is more bearable. But I don’t think I’m strong enough. It feels like I’m giong to drown again.

I can’t help but feel like everything’s my fault. I mean, that’s the impression that you’ve been giving me. People say I should be more angry at you for the things you said. But I don’t know how to.

Right now I don’t know what to feel.

I feel like I’m going to float away.

You told me once that you’d tie a ribbon around my waist and hold on as I float above. I can fly, like a kite, but you'd always pull you back to earth for snugs when I need them.

Fuck.

What am I going to do now?

Please,

I don’t know what I’m doing. You look so beautiful and I just wnt to run my fingers over your cheekbones and trace the line of your chin. oh god i feel so numb. every little thing you do makes me feel like crying. I love your voice and your laugh, but hearing them hurts so much. I don’t want to cry in front of you again. Fuck I love you so much and it’s tearing me apart.I think that writing this is helping somewhat,

I don’t want to imagine a future where I never get to kiss you again.

I’m so scared and lonely.

I miss your jokes. I still hear them, and smile, but it feels like i’m being torn apart from the inside out. Why can’t I stop looking at pictures of us?

WHY DID I FUCK EVERYTHING UP.

I want to destroy myself. Cut open the skin, and peel it all back to reveal the blood and muscle. set myself on fire and float away on the smoke. Hit a wall until my fists are broken and bloody. gouge out my eyes, snap and crush every bone in my body

everything hurts so much

i don’t even know if I want to die. I just want to stop feeling, stop doing, stop being

It hurts so so so sos oso so so so so much

I’m gonna suffocate from the weight of this sadness