so i guess you could say that last night i took a big step… i've hada really hard week and i've been sick as a dog, so i'm just beat down..

and.. well, i'm that person everyone goes to with all their issues.. and when i say everyone..i mean everyone. sometimes, it's like i wear a sign that says "tell me your secrets." it's really stressful on me.. but i am blessed that God has given me the gift of being able to be a listener to so many…

i guess sometimes…i need someone to listen to me.. so last night, someone got mean to me because i wasn't helping them enough and because i didn't 'fix' them. it really hurt my spirit because i don't want to disappoint anyone..and that goes with my obsession of being perfect. i need to be perfect at school..with my friends..just with everything in my life.. if i feel like i'm not.. i really struggle.. and i am trying to change that thought process.. but she full out, yelled at me for not being a "good enough friend." i just got really upset because i've been struggling and it's like no one cares..

so i was talking to my best friend about it.. by talking i mean… i freaked out. and she was like, "talk to me…i'm listening." i ended up trying to explain to her about my thoughts and just a smidgeee of my OCD. i told her about my obsessive thoughts about pain/harm/death of myself or people in my life.. i really tried to help her understand me… and i guess.. after i told her, i felt a little better.. i felt like i wasn't hiding this whole other part of me anymore. i know she doesn't really understand, she's trying to though.. and she just listened.. and i really needed that…

i don't know.. i am hoping it's the start of some good things happening… (:

  1. bluerosie 11 years ago

    I feel for you having your friend yell at you like that.  I've often felt the same way; I'm the one a lot of people come to.  I'm the youngest in my family, yet I'm the one who listens to all my sisters' frustrations and problems, and tries to figure out how to help them get along better.  Other people will come to me, too.  It's taken me a long time to realize it's okay to have my own problems and to share them with others, too.  It's by leaning on each other that we become strong.  I get stressed out, too, by trying too hard to be the perfect friend who can always listen, etc.  I think I've let people abuse it, even.

    Anyway, I'm really proud of you for opening up to your best friend.  That is a huge step and I know you were scared to do it.  I think both you and your friend needed that.  🙂

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  2. ocdmama 11 years ago

    Im sorry that person was so rude to you but i am happy you seem to have a great best friend that listens 🙂 I can relate with this so much!I always feel i have to have everyone like me and i cant always be myself but im working on that because if they dont like the real me then i dont need them as a friend!I had that happen to me the other night someone i thought was a friend said i wasnt there enough!Well that person did some mean hurtful things in front of others because she wasnt my only friend i guess so that being said shes not my real friend!Anyway im here if you ever need to talk and keep your head up!You sound like an amazing friend to others!Great job!

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  3. ZackP 11 years ago

    It's so wonderful just to let it out sometimes.

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