I've basically run out of things to do so now my blogging is picking up again. I'm not talking to my family so any time they begin babbling about something, I give them as little to go on as they give me – "yeah", "oh", or just pure silence.
Didn't eat dinner, I hate Cheeseburger Hamburger Helper so I'll get something on my own later. I'm just trying to keep to myself as much as possible because even the socializing that goes on is unfair. For example, I forced myself out to that stupid county fair with my Mom but refused to go in any barns. I hate walking around poop and the smell is atrocious.
Despite the fact that I went along and talked to my Mom, she was still pretty mad at me for not going in a few stinky old barns. She basically referred to my lack of interest in the fair as "anti-social" when, uh, hello? I don't know anyone out there. How do you socialize by yourself? 😐 And not liking a fair or an amusement park or a movie or whatever doesn't make you anti-social but I've always loved how she just pulls random words out of her ass like that.
But my brother, on the other hand, is a nice, sweet kid. He's "just quiet" even though he never talks and often completely ignores you. He also refuses to have friends or a girlfriend and has even gone so far as to say that when (if…) he gets a job he won't talk to anymore anymore than he has to and wants to only apply for a night shift stock boy position at Wal-Mart to avoid as many people as possible. So my Mom says that he's "just quiet" while my Dad says that he's "probably still upset over high school". But I'm anti-social.
Hey Mom, that anti-social word you keep throwing around would stick a lot better if you threw it at your bitter, crazy son…
I don't feel like playing any games and I'm so worked up and my mind is so full of angry thoughts that I don't think I could focus long enough to read anything. I'm not getting along with my boyfriend right now either because I said that I was thinking of getting a small tattoo when I go back to school. He said that he "wouldn't date a girl who has a tattoo" and asked me, "Why would you want to look like a skank?"
Here are a few questions for you, love – Why would you date a skank? You know which girls I'm talking about. And also, how skanky is it that you wish the world were one big porn flick? Sorry but I don't do porn so get your head out of the gutter you hypocritical asshole. And what's more, why is one small tattoo trashy but me getting huge fake boobs isn't trashy? Why is one tattoo so harmful when breast implants destroy natural breast tissue and require more surgery for constant upkeep? I know you aren't pushing me to get them but you seemed pretty damn happy thinking about it and certainly didn't react in anger and disgust and call it "skanky".
Since everyone seems to want to tell me how to talk, walk, breathe, dress, think, speak, etc. I'll let them battle it out. My Mom and boyfriend can argue over whether I should dress like Mother Teresa or Anna Nicole Smith. Then they can argue over whether I should dye my hair a bright blonde or a bright, crayon red. After that, they can fight over where I should live and what job I should have and my hobbies and my musical tastes. Should be interesting.
That's probably why I am so bored. I'm trying to be less available to people. I'm not going to stay logged into YIM all day listening to him tell me about how he doesn't "have a say in the relationship" because I'm tired of hearing it. I know I'm too aggressive but you know what? Someone has to be strong and someone in this relationship has to be grounded. And I'm done talking to my family when they need someone to complain to and I think I've made a lot of progress already by ignoring them the way they often ignore me. But now the boredom is setting in…