My last post was a while back. I still have not taken any meds after a 2 yr fight with sevear anxiety and depression. No telling how many med changes and suicial slums.

I got a job for a month in a refinery plant, I was over 300 ft in the air on towers clinging to railing for hours. I was working 6 12's. Horrible hours, horrible weather, but awesome pay. It was only a contracted job so it didnt last, but I was there. Steam, hard hats, 6pm to 6am, clod steel, hights, climbing towers so high that my arms were sore just to get there. I even looked down.To say the least it was oh i cant even find the words to say….. just free. relieved…alive….normal? I know there is no real normal, but I felt like everyone else. Not scared.

I still wonder if this is going to last, I hope its over but sometimes I think back. I mean it came out of nowhere to begin with and was gone one day. I was so sacred the day I ran out of meds, but I just didnt take any and did what i had to do. I forced myself to go to this job. I had to. It was a chance to make good money, mind over matter, I made myself do it. I figured i was in a plant with a bunch of guys, if i got scared and threw up, they woudnt care or give me a second look. I got lightheaded a few times but made myself do it. than again i was so worn out from so little sleep and so much work that maybe that had an affect on my mental state. Im not sure, but I hope it stays.

I think Im writting this because I know I still need you guys to stay on track. Im not trying to throw my sucess in anyones face, because tomorrow my be down hill, you never know. It wasnt until I found this huge support from you guys that I even got the guts to apply for a job. Anyone who reads this, if we have spoken yet or not, Thank you. Just for being a part of something like this you are taking the right steps. I am always here to get advice or to be help for anyone who thinks I may be able to help. Thank you guys!!! In 2 years nothing hepled until I came here, lol and its FREE with NO sideeffects!! lol.