My last post was a while back. I still have not taken any meds after a 2 yr fight with sevear anxiety and depression. No telling how many med changes and suicial slums.

I got a job for a month in a refinery plant, I was over 300 ft in the air on towers clinging to railing for hours. I was working 6 12's. Horrible hours, horrible weather, but awesome pay. It was only a contracted job so it didnt last, but I was there. Steam, hard hats, 6pm to 6am, clod steel, hights, climbing towers so high that my arms were sore just to get there. I even looked down.To say the least it was oh i cant even find the words to say….. just free. relieved…alive….normal? I know there is no real normal, but I felt like everyone else. Not scared.

I still wonder if this is going to last, I hope its over but sometimes I think back. I mean it came out of nowhere to begin with and was gone one day. I was so sacred the day I ran out of meds, but I just didnt take any and did what i had to do. I forced myself to go to this job. I had to. It was a chance to make good money, mind over matter, I made myself do it. I figured i was in a plant with a bunch of guys, if i got scared and threw up, they woudnt care or give me a second look. I got lightheaded a few times but made myself do it. than again i was so worn out from so little sleep and so much work that maybe that had an affect on my mental state. Im not sure, but I hope it stays.

I think Im writting this because I know I still need you guys to stay on track. Im not trying to throw my sucess in anyones face, because tomorrow my be down hill, you never know. It wasnt until I found this huge support from you guys that I even got the guts to apply for a job. Anyone who reads this, if we have spoken yet or not, Thank you. Just for being a part of something like this you are taking the right steps. I am always here to get advice or to be help for anyone who thinks I may be able to help. Thank you guys!!! In 2 years nothing hepled until I came here, lol and its FREE with NO sideeffects!! lol.

  1. Mo 10 years ago

    \”FREE with NO side effects\” absolutely love it.Congrats on being anxiety free. It also turned things around for me some when I joined. THis is a great place. I wish I didn\'t have to take meds 🙁 . Alas; I have the bipolar too. Anywho I am happy for you!

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  2. triggered 10 years ago

    I can\'t get past the 300 feet on a tower thing! Holy! I had to go on a one story roof for a meeting once and thought I was going to have to be rescued off of it by a ladder truck! Lol. Wow. I\'m just … wow… I think I\'m getting lightheaded thinking about it. Sweaty palms…. check. Lightheaded… check. Uhoh. 🙂 Great blog to share, DS. Thank you

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