Yes… I am alive.

I'm very sorry I've not been on.  I always used to get annoyed at people just diappearing from this site.  And honestly?  I'm pissed at myself for doing the same thing.

I still am at my job, and some of it is better that other parts.  But all in all, it's good that I'm doing something.  I really think that I needed to get out.  I needed to make money and start in the path towards being more independent.  I hate relying my my parents for everything.

So, after saying those two things… this is where I'm at.

I'm tired as hell.  And I want to say that I'm not only ignoring this site.  I may check into MySpace… but I've not done much talking to anyone.  Not on the phone, in IM, or online.  I post a blog on MySpace here and there… but I really have been more inside myself than I was before.  And I am really sorry for that.  My way of explaining why… is that I'm so overwhelmed.  I have to be nice, and smile, and make small talk all day, that by the time I get home… I'm ready to just shut down and be alone.

I've even done this with my family.  Even when I hang out with my sisters, or sit with my mom and dad… it's the same thing.  I'm not really there.  I listen, and try to talk… but I'm just exhuasted from all the conversation. 

So again… I'm very sorry that I've not been available here for all of the people that have been so good and kind to me.

I would check in more during my work days… but I don't want the website noticed from the office computers.  I like this site just for me.  I never checked it at my sister's place or my younger sister's lap top either.  Paranoia…?  maybe.  I just don't want to have them looking or checking up on me.  This is my safe place to come. 

To everyone that's been kind enough to leave comments… thank you.  Your support is appreciated and I hope I can give it back once I really get to a point where I feel like talking.  I hate that I can't reply to everyone right now.  Perhaps in a few more days and I'll be able to. 

Thank you friends

CeruleanKisses