Well, my dad quit his job. So now neither of my parents are technically employed, and I have no idea what we have to do to have insurance and all that crap now. And it figures, I already need to go to the doctor. I’ve been a coughing fool since wednesday and if it doesn’t let up soon I’m going to start blowing blood vessels and breaking ribs and all that stuff. Plus my psych issues are getting harder and harder to ignore as my final supply of ativan diminishes. It never helped much to begin with but it was better than nothing. And I only have 8 pills left. If our insurance “wasn’t good enough” before it sure as hell isn’t now. I can probably get by a few more months on 8 pills since it’s not like I take it every day, but once that’s gone, that’s it.

The good news is, I am pretty much forcefully taking my dad’s car. It was decided that if he quit his job it would “pretty much” be mine anyway, since he’ll have nowhere to go if not to work. But I’ve decided “pretty much” is a bunch of bull, and if he’s going to sit on his ass all day leaving us with no money for groceries I’m taking the car. I go to school full time, I work, I’m involved with clubs, I’m going to start doing volunteer work soon, he can rough it without a car. Cars are for people with jobs. Maybe all that sounds immature and tantrum-ish, but I don’t care. I’m mostly kidding myself anyway since I don’t make enough money to afford gas, and it’s not like they’ll be able to afford to help me pay for gas. So I don’t even know how I’m going to afford to make it to school. I only make like $40 a week, I use a quarter tank of gas a day just going to school and back, and gas is like $4 a gallon. And there is no public transportation or people for me to carpool with. That’s not an anxiety inducing prospect, no, of course not.

I also have a spanish test tomorrow that I am not sure I am prepared for, and a bio quiz I am positive I am not prepared for. I’ve been coming home and just passing out too tired to do anything. Today my english class was cancelled again so I came home at 11am and fell asleep on the couch until 7. And it’s midnight now, and I’m still tired enough to go to sleep. I’m just going to make something hot to drink for my cough and I’m going right back to sleep. The exhaustion is going to kill me in math. I fell asleep in class today for the second time, so now I’ve missed the first two units of this chapter and have to teach myself out of the book. I try to stay awake but I just cant. And I’m not very good at math so it will be hard to teach myself. I’m going to try and get my friend to help me but this wont work all semester. I have to figure out why I’m so tired and fix it. I’m hoping I’m just coughing in my sleep or something and its keeping me from getting a good rest. I dunno.

I got pretty stressed out in high school too but I at least had weekends to recharge. Now that I work weekends I literally NEVER get a break. 🙁


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