First off, my mood is determined and not giving a flying f… yea that words innapropriate but, this is what i posted on a group page about my ocd for a therapy group i belong to but this is what i said:so, yesterday nothing felt right, but i ignored it, and had a good, confused, but good time anyway. and its not ok, at all, im scared as hell of losing my gf to my mind but guess what? its ok because it doesnt have to be ok, i can go insane and its ok becase this fucker is no longer living my life for me, and thats why im listening to music anyway right now. hell yea. so im scared my gf will never feel right again for the third time, um, we just got over this stupid head. so it felt right on thanksgiving. so my ocd goes, what if it only feels right on holidays. well, what if dinosaurs still exist and theyre invisible and dont eat us so we dont know they exist. maan shut the fuck up ocd really you can ruin this for me and make me feel like everythings over but as i feel liek im bleeding out ill take a step forward till the illusion fades because i never rlly was bleeding it just felt real to me. illusions suck. so i dont know if itll be ok but ik i no longer give a fuck, at least not today, lets go >:)when i want to do something, if i put my mind to it, im so godamn stubborn theres no way it doesnt happen. so if i put my energy into just going and ignoring every singlee thing that makes me suffer and bleed, metaphorically for the bleeding, idk what the result will be but i can keep it up till i die, i got mules looking like people pleasers, thats how stubborn i am
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great attitude to have! i'm trying so hard to do this. i had a long "talk with myself" on a long drive home from a friend's last night and i said that as i work through this i have to live my life the way i'd live it without OCD and just take it one challenge at a time. i'd have to try my hardest to acknowledge the OCD fueled worries for what they are. it's not easy and i'm trying. keep it up!
well, this just failed. i totally broke down tonight and got very suicidal except i cant kill myself but the thing here is im screwed in every way and im rlly depressed and it doesnt even matter anymore im done trying. i got really really angry and upset and now im just really depressed and wanna die so bad.
Hi, Ocd_sucks, glad I worked out where you'd gone at last, was wondering if something had happened to you!
Really good posting. You've hit on the secret I think, or at least, a secret.
it's ok because it doesn't have to be ok
I'm really sorry the wheels came off on Tuesday, but it doesn't actually matter, except that it's pretty grim at the time, of course. I don't think it's possible to keep it up all the time, certainly not at first, but the thing is, it sort of works by the yard. Every bit of time you spend ignoring it makes the OCD habits weaker. It's not a question of if you break down, you're back to the beginning – you still have whatever you've gained by what you did before.
Also quite simply, the days it really does work, you feel ten feet tall. I mean, can anything that feels this good be legal? 😀 I'm feeling a lot better now than I was a few months back, at least some of the time. Sorry to hear you're not, but maybe you will soon after this. By the way have you tried homeopathy at all? It's been a great help to me, though we're still fumbling a bit trying to work out the details. (PM me if you want to ask anything.) How are you today?
My, that was a long posting. All the best, Wombat140