i'm getting ready for bed, but i thought i would write something since i've been obsessing over this crazy website like all day for some odd reason. hmm.. and it's hilarious to me since i started my first step again today, ya know since i relapsed and i only have like 8 days clean now, but one of the first questions on step one is about obsessing and yea i do it often. lol obviously. ummmm so i had a using dream last night for the first time in a longgggggg ass minute. i dreamt i ate a lot of xanax's and blacked out like i used to and i did a bunch of crazy shit and stole of bunch of stuff, then when i came out of the black out i was kind of in trouble, i was like in school or something, and i remember looking in my purse and realizing i still had a whole bottle full of pills and i remember debating on whether i should ate them all and kill myself or jus a few to get more high, or telling one of the people surrounding me that i had them.then i was awakened by my cat biting my face LOL so i'm guessing i did the right thing =)  using dreams tell me so much. i love the whole unconscious secretive crazy shit that my dreams tell me, it's a beautiful part of life that i would miss if i were dead. lol that sounded a bit morbid, but i'm being honest. ummm my best friend went to a party tonight; she invited me to go, and guess what?!!?!? i said NOooooOO. so i've been chillin around my house all alone on a saturday night. i'm so awesome. anyways i'm off to bed i have a long day tomorrow, i hate sundays. ps my sponser who i've had for over a year now, is picking up 6 years tomorrow!! whoop whoop. that's exciting. k peace

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