Why does it seem that everytime I start to get a little sad a sad song comes on on the radio?  Quite annoying..  

For some reason, lately I have found that I have no idea what I would do if someone close to me died.. I mean, if my mother or father, or boyfriend or best friend died I have no idea how I would continue with life…  I have never lost anyone close to me, and I am so scared to. It just seems that they are my support system and I would just slip and fall without them. It scares..no.. it TERRIFIES me that someday these people will be taken away from my life.  I'm not afraid to die.. I'm afraid to see other people die in front of me while I'm still alive..  Like I am getting teary eyed just thinking about it.

I'm also scared for my future.. It's like, I don't know how I am ever going to move out on my own, I can't even care for myself yet..  I don't know how I'm going to be able to live without my parents, (my dad's almost 60)  I'm so scared that one day they will be gone and I will have to face everything on my own, with no one there to help me. I'm so scared of being abandoned.. I think about it all the time and it constantly gets me depressed.

I wish I could live in the present and not worry about things that haven't even happened yet.. But i cant help myself from doing it.

Ugh I can never stop worrying about anything, everrrr its so annoying.  I've also been convincing myself that I have a brain annuerism.. I know i dont, but I've been hearing about it on tv and it scares me. 

In fact the entire "unknown" with God and Death and Heaven.. The whole thing scares me because it is so surreal, and so different.. Idk, it just really freaks me out thinking about paranormal things… because I don't understand it. I have been asking God for guidance but it seems that I am just not getting anything in return…  Maybe someday my prayers will be answered…


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