I shamefully write this blog in efforts to release some of the tension and stress I’ve been having lately. I say shamefully because I promised myself I wouldn’t just blog when the shit hit the fan. I wanted to share not only my sorrows but also my joys. I have failed to sign in thus far but I will try harder not to forget about this blog and this site again.
when all is said and I feel like I’m alone or mostly like I’m going insane I turn to this site where I feel like there are so many of you that would read this or even glance at it and say, I get it. I’m there or I’ve been there.
Well here it goes.
I’ve turning 25 in a few months. The older I get the worst my job situation gets. At 20, I was in school full time,I had an internship and was working 30 hours a week. Now I’m 24 and I’m graduate for a full year and I’m working the same job making 12 hours a week.
I have so many bills I have to work on and I have to pay rent to my dad. I feel awful that I couldn’t afford rent this month. My dad’s on disability and struggles every month to make ends meet. I want to be the glue that keeps everything together but how can I when I can’t get it together. I feel so lost and afraid that I will never get anywhere in life. I feel afraid that I let everyone down.
I was so depressed and lazy and whatever these past years that I forgot, while hiding in the shadows of my cave life and time still goes on. Sometimes I wonder how I can go on though. I feel like there’s a hole in me. An emptiness that I’m far to acquainted with telling me there is no use, what’s the point. It’s like I’m waiting for something to happen, waiting for that great job to drift into my lap, perhaps while I’m taking a nap. It’s like I don’t believe in myself anymore and this cannot do.
I will grow I will get a better job I will rise about this. I have to…