I don't hate you.
I hate him, but what you said to me.
That's what I hate.
I don't want to be like him.
He hurt me so bad and what I was feeling then was like that,
I don't want to hurt like that anymore.
I don't want to feel pain because of him.
I don't hate the way you talk,
Or the way you know me so well.
I couldn't hate you for being protective over me,
And I could not hate you for taking my aside,
Or even when you hold me.
It's just that night,
I wasn't ready to deal with the things that needed to be dealt.
I wasn't ready to be able to talk.
I was nervouse and worried.
I wanted you to understand.
It's just I'm not as strong as you may think.
You may have only been made,
But I wasn't sure about it all.
I said things that I'd hope you knew right away weren't true.
I was trying to send you a message or a signal that it wasn't me.
He had been taking control of me that night,
It was the only way to keep the bluf going.
So I guess maybe I am like him.
For leaving you alone.
For letting you be with nothing.
I'm sorry for not being able to tell you that.
The pain you felt,
I felt it too.
I hear your voice talking to me.
I keep thinking you can hear me too.
I keep thinking what I hear is really you,
that we are really talking to eachother.
But then again,
There are times when I should really wake up.
Life isn't a dream or a fairytale like in the movies or books.
Reality deffiently steps in and I can no longer keep the dream going.
Nothing was really fake,
Except the things I said that night.
But know that they were only said to keep myself from this life right now.
I can't keep lieing to everyone.
I had to let you go.
I couldn't keep it up.
Now that everythings done,
I only hope you know my only secret.
The secret nobody knows,
Except for you…
I don't hate you.