I have that "feeling" that my bout of mania is approaching. Looks like I will finally get some stuff done, even if it's at the speed of a Tasmanian devil 🙂 The downside is that the "stuff" my mind chooses to prioritize as needing my attention, is usually the opposite of what my rational mind would normally suggest. I get this airy feeling just before the onset, after feeling crappy for several days…I start to lose track of anything that may have upset me…my oversensitivity/frustration triggers begin to get numb…a sense of humor seems to begin emerging..then BOOOOM…mania has arrived.
Last week's mania resulted in a dozen new items I didn't need and 96 hours of cleaning every part of my home except the guest bedroom (this is the dark corner I hide in when I get in a bad way; for all I know, this may be the figurative corner I sit in to punish myself subconsciously, because this room represents chaos) but no effort was made to pay bills when my deposit hit my account on Friday. I promised myself I would assess the self-inflicted damage to my finances. I half-heartedly tried, but gave up after I realized I must have accidently thrown away my meticulously prepared budget sheets, following my prior screw-up two weeks before.
All I know is that I am physically and emotionally tired as hell – mostly because of my racing thoughts about every little thing. Years of insomnia definitely play a role in this as well, I'm sure.
So, I took another personality test today and learned a bit more about myself, through the advice of someone part of DP (SteveH). I know it is not an absolute tool, but the information was helpful in allowing me to accept certain aspects of myself as traits, rather than as flaws.
As I read back, I can see I am really wanting to go off on several different tangents best reserved for a 10-part non-fiction novel only I would find remotely interesting, so off with me then.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're doing very well. You're unusually aware of what's going on with you, which, imo, is a huge step towards developing good coping strategies that are reality based.
On a practical note….have you considered automating some of your payments for the day your pay comes in so that you're not a point of failure if you're not well?