Now that my mind itself is finally back in order I didn't realize til that big OCD attack during the weekend, just how much my own OCD was coming between me and a very close friend. About 6 months ago when it all started, I didn't know it was OCD in the first place, and my approach to those irrational thoughts was that it was all ME thinking these things… (alot like the last attack I got questioning why she was offline, only a TON more constant). The worst times were back in late June/ July when the stress levels were really high on both sides (which is prime territory for OCD to come on). It was seemingly calm between me and my friend from most of August and Sept, then October for me it was dealing with more and more bossy people and my stress levels where getting real high again. It was actually mid- October during a vacation to Asheville, NC, after a panic/OCD attack about being stuck in the back seat of the car for too long, was when my friend Bluerosie on here- when she suggested that it sounded like OCD….maybe other people would cringe at actually hearing that from a friend but when your friend has told you about their OCD struggles etc… Also that was when I just accepted OCD is just one of my imperfections and Nothing to be ashamed of. From then on, I began to learn more about my OCD.

Then 2 weeks later when Johnny was here in NJ for a convention, I had a bit of a tourrettes attack all the way up to the moment I got a strong hug from him (then everything calms).

November for me, I couldn't tell whether it was OCD between me and my friend just yet- everything felt like it was still strained, then something really sad/stressful happened on her end and I had to back away because I felt I just couldn't handle the added stress. Also I felt like what she was doing to mend it up was like mending wooden fences with paper or something.

December…well- things finally started clearing up some, but it never felt ALL the Way…then January came and this big OCD attack comes along on my birthday and it takes THAT much and me yelling at my OCD to shut up on it's lies for me to realize it was all OCD in the first place…my friend wasn't sure what to say or do anymore to get things patched up.

There's a big difference I feel when you KNOW it's not you, but it's your OCD. Especially in the way you handle things. Actually I feel like OCD makes me stronger as a person, even if I do have my weak moments and OCD overtakes as it did, eventually all the bad thoughts DO go away for me.


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