I’ve been really scared to open up about this to anyone at all because usually I am dismissed or not believed. For years, as long as I can remember really, my parents have been emotionally abusive. When I was a kid, I struggled with mental illness and social settings. When I tried to open up about this, my parents were emotionally absent and dismissed my experiences. An example of what I was told is “Get over it” and “Everyone has problems”. Every time I mentioned a mental illness symptom, it was either told off as something less severe or blatantly viewed as unimportant or “regular child problems”. Due to this constant dismissal, I learned to keep everything to myself because I feared nobody would believe me. As a result, I did not get proper help until I was 14, and that was only because I was in a psychosis and having homicidal thoughts. My parents took me to a counselor for OCD of all things, which I did end up having but did not cause the homicidal thoughts, who upon hearing the thoughts I had, required my parents to send me to a psych ward or else the police in my state would be required to by law. I tend to believe my parents only sent me themselves so that they would have more control over what happened to me, and they themselves have stressed that that was a factor. My father has bipolar disorder, so he struggled with anger issues during my childhood. Unfortunately, this affected his children too (me and my two older sisters); he would threaten to beat us, even with jokes, he would yell at us, and he would swear around us often. I knew a variety of swear words by the time I was 11 years old. Anyway, this wasn’t even the worst I personally went through. When I was 15 years old, I entered a romantic relationship that was inappropriate due to being manipulated by my “partner”. This partner ended up being emotionally abusive; controlling, a liar, and outright manipulative. It lasted for 8 months. However, during that time, my parents also emotionally abused me to a more severe degree than they did when I was a child. I had my devices taken away and internet turned off at night, I was yelled at and frequently got into screaming fights with my father, my father mocked my partner in front of my face, frequently stormed out of the room while I was screaming and crying at him, the dismissal of my symptoms continued, eventually I was guilt tripped and the abuse was denied and I kept being blamed for any blow-up between me and my parents. I also ended up questioning my gender identity, and that was dismissed to hell too. I was legitimately told “you are not a they” when I wanted to use they/them pronouns. On that note, one thing my father told me when I was a 12 year old questioning my sexuality was “you can’t be a lesbian”. I often think I’m crazy or not remembering something correctly even though these memories are very vivid in my mind. These days, my father either becomes way too clingy to the point of frequently asking if I’m mad at him or hate him, or way too distant, to the point of not talking to me at all and checking on me once a day with a forced smile on his face. He has also tried to get directly involved in my therapy appointments and both of my parents guilt trip me for not going to them about my mental illnesses or trauma issues. My parents require me to text them whenever I change locations and exactly where I am while I’m out with friends too. The abuse cycle has continued, even though it has varied over the years.

If anything worse or new happens, I’ll post it in another blog. It’s getting difficult to live in this house at this rate… for the past few days I have been isolating myself the whole day and having panic attacks after dinner because I’ve spent time with family. I avoid them like the plague these days. It is traumatic for me to spend any quality time with them even if that time is good.

Thank you if you have read this far, and I hope you have a beautiful day! ♡ I would also like to thank everyone who listens and believes me because it will mean a lot to me. I plan on telling my therapist all of this during my appointment this Wednesday… I’ll probably blog about that too. Wish me luck!~☆

– Ullie ♡

P.S. if any of you are interested in Danganronpa, I would be interested in making new friends! I’m not exactly sure how that works here cause I’m new, but if there’s a way any of us could chat, I’ll be open!